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#Post#: 29232--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: TootsNYC Date: April 11, 2019, 8:05 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1084.msg29171#msg29171
date=1554905645]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1084.msg29165#msg29165
date=1554878735]
[quote]Is there a dog you can feed under the table?[/quote]
Please, no! Not even in jest. It's bad enough when people feed
their own pets at table, but to feed other people's animals -
even if what you're slipping them isn't something wholly
unsuitable and unhealthy for them such as sponge cake - is a
foul, foul fault.
Feeding other people's animals other than with their owners'
explicit approval is by definition rude to the owners, and
what's more it is cruel to the animals. Never, never do it.
[/quote]
Yep... my sister slipped our beagle a piece of meat while we
dining outside once. She has never done it again and now
cautions others that they may be expelled from our home for the
offense and that she is only invited back because she is family.
Our animals are not allowed near our dining tables when we eat.
If you want to have dogs under foot in your home when dining,
fine, but you will not encourage that behavior in our home.
[/quote]
Never, ever, ever feed someone else's pet or someone else's
child.
For one things, allergies in pets are real. For another, you can
ruin someone's training.
I had a cat that had no interest in people food. Then I had a
big party and walked into the living room to discover one of my
friend COAXING my cat to eat ham or turkey. Bammo! I had to
fight that cat off the table for YEARS.
I was pretty pissed--and I called her out on it the moment I saw
it. I wasn't just angry--I was SHOCKED!
Who does that?!?!?
#Post#: 29236--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: Luci Date: April 11, 2019, 11:00 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1084.msg29232#msg29232
date=1555031103]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1084.msg29171#msg29171
date=1554905645]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1084.msg29165#msg29165
date=1554878735]
[quote]Is there a dog you can feed under the table?[/quote]
Please, no! Not even in jest. It's bad enough when people feed
their own pets at table, but to feed other people's animals -
even if what you're slipping them isn't something wholly
unsuitable and unhealthy for them such as sponge cake - is a
foul, foul fault.
Feeding other people's animals other than with their owners'
explicit approval is by definition rude to the owners, and
what's more it is cruel to the animals. Never, never do it.
[/quote]
Yep... my sister slipped our beagle a piece of meat while we
dining outside once. She has never done it again and now
cautions others that they may be expelled from our home for the
offense and that she is only invited back because she is family.
Our animals are not allowed near our dining tables when we eat.
If you want to have dogs under foot in your home when dining,
fine, but you will not encourage that behavior in our home.
[/quote]
Never, ever, ever feed someone else's pet or someone else's
child.
For one things, allergies in pets are real. For another, you can
ruin someone's training.
I had a cat that had no interest in people food. Then I had a
big party and walked into the living room to discover one of my
friend COAXING my cat to eat ham or turkey. Bammo! I had to
fight that cat off the table for YEARS.
I was pretty pissed--and I called her out on it the moment I saw
it. I wasn't just angry--I was SHOCKED!
Who does that?!?!?
[/quote]
I assumed that people know not to feed pets, so I thought it was
funny. I guess I always overestimate human intelligence. That’s
what happened with the not playing with pets or service animals
without without permission. Silly me.
#Post#: 29244--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: lowspark Date: April 12, 2019, 8:48 am
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[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1084.msg29224#msg29224
date=1555018088]
I'd eat some or all of both cakes, or none of either.
I can't think of a gracious way for the OP to eat only the
chocolate cake that she made herself and not the cake her
hostess made, or even to eat just a bite or two of the sponge
cake while polishing off the chocolate.
If it would be too hard to eat roughly the same amount of each,
then I'd just say no thanks to dessert entirely. I'd be
disappointed if I really wanted some chocolate cake, but it just
seems too insulting otherwise, as if I were saying, "Only the
cake I made myself is good enough for me; I'm a much better
baker." And it's just a piece of cake, not some huge sacrifice.
[/quote]
I'm sorta surprised that you feel that way. I think we always
say here, and I'm fairly certain you've mentioned it, that it's
rude to notice what your guests are eating or not eating.
In reality, guests quite often leave food on their plates. No
one is obligated to finish everything, whether they serve
themselves or whether the food is plated for them. And I would
say, most especially if the food is plated for them without
first asking what they want.
I think the fact that it's a dessert may be influencing our
answers. If you are a guest at someone's house and they make the
main dish and a side, and you also provide a side, does that
mean you have to eat either both sides or neither?
I would probably eat at least a bite of the sponge cake, but I
would not feel obligated to finish it, nor would I think I had
to eat an equal amount of both. And I'd really have no trouble
saying that I only wanted one of the offered desserts, even if
it meant I was only eating the one I brought. And if the roles
were reversed, where I was hostess and a guest did what I just
described, it wouldn't even be a blip on my radar. Everyone has
their preferences and moods.
#Post#: 29246--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: Luci Date: April 12, 2019, 9:25 am
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We served Thanksgiving dinner for 15 years to up to 40 people.
By seeing what was thrown out is how I learned what was liked
and disliked by my guests so I could adjust the following years.
I never commented on what anyone served themselves or tasted and
rejected. If people ate everything just to be polite, I would
never know.
#Post#: 29261--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: Gellchom Date: April 12, 2019, 3:50 pm
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Oh, I didn't mean that, if I were the host in this situation, I
would comment on what someone ate or didn't eat, or that I would
find it rude if they didn't eat the cake I served, only their
own. I agree with all of you there. But you can happen to
notice an untouched plate without monitoring your guests'
eating, and you can get your feelings hurt without judging
anyone as rude.
I was looking at it as if I were the guest, not the host. What
would be the nicest thing to do?
I think that the host's feelings might be hurt if I ate a slice
of the cake I brought and none of theirs, especially if they
worked hard on it and were really proud of it. I wouldn't want
to do that.
Plating desserts -- especially 2 slices of cake -- without
asking the guests what they want just sets you up for this,
though, doesn't it? I mean, that's a lot of dessert. Not to
mention having a guest bring cake when you are also making a
cake. If the host would just ask first, I would say, "Just a
tiny slice of each, please," and then eat enough of the sponge
cake that it wasn't obvious that I was polishing off the
chocolate but leaving almost all of the sponge. If that meant
that I got a little less chocolate cake into me than I would've
preferred, that's not really a big sacrifice. It's worth it to
be kind to my friend, in my opinion.
(And I am not a fan of sponge cake, either.)
#Post#: 29276--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: LifeOnPluto Date: April 12, 2019, 11:48 pm
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Ooh, awkward situation, especially if you really want to eat the
cake that YOU baked!
I do think however, that the hostess is being rather
presumptuous in plating up her cake without asking people first
if they actually want some.
I like the idea of just asking for a small piece of each cake.
Or, if that's not possible, just taking a few bites of the
hostess's cake.
Unfortunately, I think once both pieces have been plated it
would be rather rude and hurtful to scoff down your own cake,
and leave all of the hostess's cake untouched.
#Post#: 29286--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: jpcher Date: April 13, 2019, 11:16 am
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Actually, I think the hostess was rather graceful with serving
both of the cakes on each plate. Instead of asking each guest
"Would you like this cake or that one?" she plated the entire
dessert offering, as a good hostess should, without questions
that might disturb the flow of the service.
Did she plate the entree as well or was the main meal served
family style?
Plated meals/desserts, in my world, is a very thoughtful,
classic way of entertaining for dinner.
In the case of a plated dessert (or meal), eat what you want to
eat. Express extreme gratitude to the hostess, relax and enjoy
the hospitality.
#Post#: 29289--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: Sycorax Date: April 13, 2019, 1:06 pm
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I like the *idea* that everyone gets to try both, but I'd hope
that the hostess would not get upset/insulted if some it doesn't
get eaten. I'm a picky eater, and in all likelihood, most of
both cakes would be left on my plate.
#Post#: 29291--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: lisastitch Date: April 13, 2019, 3:31 pm
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As someone who loves making (and eating!) desserts--
I make dessert for Thanksgiving and Easter, and we host an
Oktoberfest in the fall. For all of these events, I try to have
three different desserts, with different flavors and textures,
so maybe one chocolate, one lemon, and one spice, because I want
to be sure that everyone will find something that they like.
For Easter and Thanksgiving, desserts are plated, but it's "Lisa
has made X, Y, and Z for dessert. Which one(s) do you want?"
If they want all three, great; if they just want one (but enjoy
it!), great.
#Post#: 29293--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: Contrarian Date: April 13, 2019, 5:00 pm
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I’ve never been at a dinner party where the dessert was plated
first. I’ve only seen this at buffets.
Even with up to twelve people at a table, the host typically
asks each guests what they would like from the two choices of
what ever is available, and it’s not weird to chose one, or both
or none, and during this time the usual table chatter just keeps
going.
I haven’t seen 3 choices unless the third choice is fruit which
is often there to accent one of the other choices.
I’m starting to wonder why I’ve never seen this, I’m clearly
eating with the same group of people all the time.
If I were OP, I would just politely decline any dessert. Surely
some of the other guests are one and not the other slice? I’d be
curious to see what that ratio was like.
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