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#Post#: 28200--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: OnyxBird Date: March 24, 2019, 12:10 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=1056.msg28198#msg28198
date=1553443973]
You seem to think that people who prefer the phone have no
consideration for other people's time, but many of us we can
talk faster than we can type. It took me only about two weeks
to get used to the virtual keypad on my new smartphone, but I
still prefer to talk, even when the situation is informational.
Words on a screen can't convey emotion or other things that a
tone of voice can. Good for business where emotion is not
wanted but questionable in a personal situation.
I have also wondered whether some people's tendencies to not
have land lines is to avoid extended phone conversation
altogether because of how it wears down phone batteries. My
landline phone is one that gets its power from Verizon and
doesn't have a cordless receiver; I can talk for 24 hours if I
have the energy.
[/quote]
??? What "you" are you responding to here?
I would usually assume me, since I'm the last response before
yours and you didn't specify, but...I literally just listed off
numerous examples of using the phone to convey information
speedily and said I make a priority to pick up the phone when
people call specifically because I assume that is the purpose of
the call. And I explicitly mentioned extended social chats as a
reason for pre-scheduling such calls, which seemed to be what
you were complaining about in the OP. My limitation on having a
multi-hour phone chats is not my cell phone battery, it's that I
have other things going on in my life that need to scheduled
around! I typically schedule social phone calls/video chats for
a time I have at least a solid hour free to talk, usually
several hours unless we're having trouble finding a time that
works. (Although if you're remotely serious about phone calls
approaching 24 hours, then I think texting first is the least of
the issues--I have never, ever, ever heard of a context where
that would be within the realm of a normal phone call. :o)
#Post#: 28204--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Jem Date: March 24, 2019, 1:57 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I prefer to socialize face to face, not over the phone. So
texting to set up face to face gatherings makes sense for me.
#Post#: 28205--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Bales Date: March 24, 2019, 2:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=OnyxBird link=topic=1056.msg28200#msg28200
date=1553447439]
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=1056.msg28198#msg28198
date=1553443973]
You seem to think that people who prefer the phone have no
consideration for other people's time, but many of us we can
talk faster than we can type. It took me only about two weeks
to get used to the virtual keypad on my new smartphone, but I
still prefer to talk, even when the situation is informational.
Words on a screen can't convey emotion or other things that a
tone of voice can. Good for business where emotion is not
wanted but questionable in a personal situation.
I have also wondered whether some people's tendencies to not
have land lines is to avoid extended phone conversation
altogether because of how it wears down phone batteries. My
landline phone is one that gets its power from Verizon and
doesn't have a cordless receiver; I can talk for 24 hours if I
have the energy.
[/quote]
??? What "you" are you responding to here?
I would usually assume me, since I'm the last response before
yours and you didn't specify, but...I literally just listed off
numerous examples of using the phone to convey information
speedily and said I make a priority to pick up the phone when
people call specifically because I assume that is the purpose of
the call. And I explicitly mentioned extended social chats as a
reason for pre-scheduling such calls, which seemed to be what
you were complaining about in the OP. My limitation on having a
multi-hour phone chats is not my cell phone battery, it's that I
have other things going on in my life that need to scheduled
around! I typically schedule social phone calls/video chats for
a time I have at least a solid hour free to talk, usually
several hours unless we're having trouble finding a time that
works. (Although if you're remotely serious about phone calls
approaching 24 hours, then I think texting first is the least of
the issues--I have never, ever, ever heard of a context where
that would be within the realm of a normal phone call. :o)
[/quote]
I don't think Venus was responding to you, but was just
expanding on her own comment about how one reason people may be
getting rid of landlines is to shorten chatty conversations
since they don't have the "battery getting low" excuse on a
landline as they do on a cell phone.
#Post#: 28207--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: oogyda Date: March 24, 2019, 2:22 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=OnyxBird link=topic=1056.msg28200#msg28200
date=1553447439]
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=1056.msg28198#msg28198
date=1553443973]
You seem to think that people who prefer the phone have no
consideration for other people's time, but many of us we can
talk faster than we can type. It took me only about two weeks
to get used to the virtual keypad on my new smartphone, but I
still prefer to talk, even when the situation is informational.
Words on a screen can't convey emotion or other things that a
tone of voice can. Good for business where emotion is not
wanted but questionable in a personal situation.
I have also wondered whether some people's tendencies to not
have land lines is to avoid extended phone conversation
altogether because of how it wears down phone batteries. My
landline phone is one that gets its power from Verizon and
doesn't have a cordless receiver; I can talk for 24 hours if I
have the energy.
[/quote]
??? What "you" are you responding to here?
I would usually assume me, since I'm the last response before
yours and you didn't specify, but...I literally just listed off
numerous examples of using the phone to convey information
speedily and said I make a priority to pick up the phone when
people call specifically because I assume that is the purpose of
the call. And I explicitly mentioned extended social chats as a
reason for pre-scheduling such calls, which seemed to be what
you were complaining about in the OP. My limitation on having a
multi-hour phone chats is not my cell phone battery, it's that I
have other things going on in my life that need to scheduled
around! I typically schedule social phone calls/video chats for
a time I have at least a solid hour free to talk, usually
several hours unless we're having trouble finding a time that
works. (Although if you're remotely serious about phone calls
approaching 24 hours, then I think texting first is the least of
the issues--I have never, ever, ever heard of a context where
that would be within the realm of a normal phone call. :o)
[/quote]
I think her "you" was meant generally.
#Post#: 28208--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: LadyRexall Date: March 24, 2019, 2:26 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
It didn’t used to be rude, but then again we didn’t have texting
then. I know many people that would find this rude. I, myself,
absolutely hate the phone. It makes me very anxious and I avoid
phone calls at all costs. I stammer, pulse rises, I can feel the
heat in my face and I don’t have time to properly think of
responses. If you give me a heads up though, I’ll mentally
prepare myself to have to be on the phone. I doubt this is the
norm at all. My husband gets calls all day and night about work.
It’s easier for him to explain in words than typing. I think it
all depends on the person.
#Post#: 28213--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Sycorax Date: March 24, 2019, 4:17 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
TBH, I've always found phone calls 'intrusive', but I don't take
it out on the people who call me. if I don't want to answer, I
don't. (Caller ID is awesome!) If it's a friend, family, or
some one else important, I will probably pick up, though. With
the prevalence of phone scammers, I will *not* answer a number I
don't know. They can leave a message if they're legit.
#Post#: 28221--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: TootsNYC Date: March 24, 2019, 6:16 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=1056.msg28174#msg28174
date=1553431630]
I really hate the idea that one must immediately answer a text.
My cell phone is for my convenience, not for that of others.
[/quote]
And that, right there, is why people want you to TEXT before you
call.
Because calling IS more intrusive than texting (a phone call
rings repeatedly but a text bings once; a text can be replied to
without disturbing others, but one must speak out loud to handle
a phone call; a text can be read quickly in the immediate app,
but a voicemail must be listened to in its entirety by calling
into a completely different system), and their cell phone is for
their convenience.
AND, people take their cell phones with them everywhere, so your
call has a much higher likelihood of coming at an inconvenient
time and place than a landline would.
Also, because YOU take your phone with you, you may be MAKING
the call at a time that you wouldn't have been able to, back in
the landline days.
So they want you to text to say, "are you up for a call?"
Much as it is considered impolite to drop in for a visit without
calling first.
If they text and you don't answer, because you're busy, then
they know not to call, ALSO because you are busy. So the
disruption won't happen.
I'm coming to regard it as appropriate to text in order to set
up an appointment for a phone call. I'm not going to go so far
as to say it's rude to not do so, but I think it is more
appropriate.
#Post#: 28244--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: daen Date: March 25, 2019, 7:23 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I spent a year where I carried the on-call phone one week out of
four. Calls only came to this phone after being filtered through
the answering service. So any time that phone rang, it meant
there was an issue that could not wait until office hours to be
resolved. Further, it meant I was responsible for passing it on
to the correct person to resolve it.
Most of the time it was minor but annoying things, like
forgetting the key code, and I could deal with it over the phone
or by walking down to the other end of the block to unlock
something. Sometimes it was people not finding their rides at
the airport, which was more tense. I never had to deal with a
crisis with one of our overseas offices, but one of my
co-workers fielded a call where our rep in Nigeria had received
news that her father in Canada had hours to live, and my
co-worker then needed to get enough details to find out what was
going on, then get the field rep in contact with the area
supervisor (at 11:30 pm on a Saturday) so they could start
making necessary arrangements.
Between that experience and my prior mild dislike of phones, my
reaction to the phone ringing unexpectedly is, to quote
Shakespeare, "What fresh hell is this?"
I don't have a cell phone, for this reason; if I did, I would
appreciate anyone who would text first. So I understand. But I
also know my loathing of the phone is by no means universal, and
I can do more to control my reactions than I can to control the
people who would like to call me... so I work with it.
#Post#: 28249--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Soop Date: March 25, 2019, 8:05 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=1056.msg28198#msg28198
date=1553443973]
Words on a screen can't convey emotion or other things that a
tone of voice can. Good for business where emotion is not
wanted but questionable in a personal situation.
[/quote]
That's what emojis are for. The people that are using text as
their main communication don't seem to be having trouble
conveying emotions.
#Post#: 28258--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Kiwipinball Date: March 25, 2019, 9:55 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1056.msg28221#msg28221
date=1553469412]
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=1056.msg28174#msg28174
date=1553431630]
I really hate the idea that one must immediately answer a text.
My cell phone is for my convenience, not for that of others.
[/quote]
And that, right there, is why people want you to TEXT before you
call.
Because calling IS more intrusive than texting (a phone call
rings repeatedly but a text bings once; a text can be replied to
without disturbing others, but one must speak out loud to handle
a phone call; a text can be read quickly in the immediate app,
but a voicemail must be listened to in its entirety by calling
into a completely different system), and their cell phone is for
their convenience.
AND, people take their cell phones with them everywhere, so your
call has a much higher likelihood of coming at an inconvenient
time and place than a landline would.
Also, because YOU take your phone with you, you may be MAKING
the call at a time that you wouldn't have been able to, back in
the landline days.
So they want you to text to say, "are you up for a call?"
Much as it is considered impolite to drop in for a visit without
calling first.
If they text and you don't answer, because you're busy, then
they know not to call, ALSO because you are busy. So the
disruption won't happen.
I'm coming to regard it as appropriate to text in order to set
up an appointment for a phone call. I'm not going to go so far
as to say it's rude to not do so, but I think it is more
appropriate.
[/quote]
I think a large part of the problem is how different people's
preferences and how they use different communications are. I
personally would find it somewhat irritating if someone texted
me to ask if now was a good time to call (it would not bother me
if someone was trying to schedule a future time, but I would
prefer that by email, not text). That's partly because I rarely
text and there's a good chance I won't even see the text for
several hours. (I actually got fired by my cleaning lady because
I didn't respond to her reminder text quickly enough - fair
enough, if she needs clients who will text her back quickly, I
am not that client).
There are a few posters on this board that would not make good
long distance friends for me (nor me for them) because they hate
phone calls and I hate text messages. I don't mind them for
brief sharing of information, but I honestly can't recall ever
having a full conversation on one. That would drive me insane.
If things are getting complicated enough that a couple of text
messages aren't cutting it, I would always prefer to talk on the
phone than keep texting. Absent a compelling reason not to (e.g.
I know the person can't answer the phone, the person is deaf,
something similar) I will call in those situations. Which I know
sometimes annoys the person I'm calling, but trying to have a
text conversation annoys me. Neither preference is right or
wrong (again, assuming there aren't other restrictions such as a
disability or being charged for every text message) but they
sure aren't compatible.
If someone is doing a favor for someone else, I generally think
the favor giver's preferences should prevail absent extenuating
circumstances. But if it's just friends wanting to catch up,
it's a lot harder. It may not be possible to find a good
compromise that both parties are happy with. I think it's good
to try to be aware of and remember other people's preferences
when possible and remember that when people aren't contacting
you as you'd prefer, they're most likely not intending to be
rude. Given the variety of preferences and norms, I don't think
there will ever be one correct/polite/considerate way to contact
people again. There are certainly an abundance of inconsiderate
and rude ways, but that's a different story.
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