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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 28173--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: SioCat Date: March 24, 2019, 7:14 am
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Nobody has to text me before calling, but they should if they
want an answer.
#Post#: 28174--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Venus193 Date: March 24, 2019, 7:47 am
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I really hate the idea that one must immediately answer a text.
My cell phone is for my convenience, not for that of others.
#Post#: 28176--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: baritone108 Date: March 24, 2019, 8:02 am
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I don't think it's rude to call without texting. On the other
hand, for years (long before cell phones existed) I have asked
people when I call if they are available to talk. If they are
not, I ask when would be a good time to call back.
#Post#: 28177--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Bada Date: March 24, 2019, 8:07 am
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As part of my job, I recently had to read a bunch of emails
between a 20-something client and the (older) professionals he
was working with. SO MANY of those emails were the 20-something
asking "can we set up a time to talk?" Based on the emails, he
clearly never picked up the phone and just tried calling this
person. Which is a little mind-boggling since these were
business calls that the professional would expect to receive
throughout a normal day (and they weren't conference calls that
needed to coordinate multiple schedules).
I work only part time and have repeatedly said it's difficult
for me to talk on the phone and that I prefer email. There are a
couple of people (40-60 yo) that will call even for things that
can be (EASILY) handled by email. I don't answer their calls
much anymore. But if X or Y call, I do answer if at all possible
because I know it must be something that can only be handled by
a phone call, since they're really good about using email
otherwise.
#Post#: 28178--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Jem Date: March 24, 2019, 8:07 am
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For work related things I will listen to voicemail, but for
personal cell phone stuff I prefer texts unless an actual
conversation needs to be had. I don’t want to spend 45 seconds
plus to listen to a voicemail that says, “Hey, sorry to have
missed you - can you text me Sara’s address?” I would rather
just get a text asking for Sara’s address.
I will answer my phone if I feel like it, but I do think calls
are more intrusive than texts. I can text while in line, over
the course of a busy morning at work, on the bus, while watching
my daughter’s practices......I cannot talk on the phone while
doing these things.
#Post#: 28180--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Pattycake Date: March 24, 2019, 8:20 am
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Uh... changed my mind. ::)
#Post#: 28188--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: sandisadie Date: March 24, 2019, 9:55 am
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I'm a really, really old person so I've talked on a phone for
more then half a century. I don't use text often but I do when
it's not a really important matter. For catching up with
someone I haven't heard from lately I want to actually talk on
the phone to them. For a serious matter I want to hear the
other person's voice. I don't think it's rude to call without
texting or to ask via text when you can call someone. Someone
earlier talked about everyone being so busy now-a-days. I don't
think that's true. Before cell phones we just had a harder time
doing everything we wanted, or had, to do. When I raised my
daughter there were no cell phones, I worked full time and
sometimes it was hard to keep everything going. When I raised
my grandchildren more recently they had them and it made keeping
track of them and all the activities surrounding them much
easier. I think if you start out texting and one of you decides
they'd rather talk about the subject then a time can be agreed
upon for the call. Common sense should prevail IMO.
#Post#: 28194--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Celestia Date: March 24, 2019, 10:14 am
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As a counterpoint, I ALWAYS prefer to have difficult
conversations by text/IM/email. (I'm 29) I'm fine with chatting
in person on nice things but I get emotional extremely easily,
and it's so much easier to have a productive conversation when I
can fall apart and cry without being seen, and take the time to
delete the first, heated words out of my mouth. There are
serious advantages to text over speech and a large percentage of
my generation deals with issues like anxiety and depression that
make those advantages even better.
All that said, it's not RUDE to just call people, but I
definitely prefer the convention of messaging first. Otherwise
you'll get a few minutes of silence while I rush around getting
a glass of water and my headset and preparing to talk for a
while.
#Post#: 28197--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: OnyxBird Date: March 24, 2019, 10:22 am
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This is the first I've heard "You can't call me to talk unless
you send a text first. It's rude" stated as a rule, but given
your intro about "what we perceive as a major communication
breakdown in society," I suspect your friend is indeed missing
or ignoring new norms about phone calls (probably specifically
cell phone calls) in a way that is coming across as intrusive.
First, the advent of cell phones has significantly changed the
communication methods available, and that can't really be
ignored when discussing what's polite. When I was a kid, you
called people's landlines or you sent them snail mail. If a
phone call is the only practical way to get a response quicker
than a letter, then of course it gets used for all short-term
communications, and you'd just have to call/pick up the phone
and then figure out whether it was a good time for the recipient
to discuss whatever the purpose of that specific call was. But
that has changed. Now, both phone calls and several text-based
methods of communications are likely to come to the exact same
device at essentially the same speed, but only phone calls
request immediate interaction without being able to convey the
purpose of the call first. Also, in the days of landlines only,
if someone wasn't available to take your call, then it was
likely they weren't even there to hear the ringing. Now it's
likely that your call is going directly to a device carried on
their person, so that every call has the potential to interrupt
them wherever they are.
Second, calling "to talk" implies to me that we're talking about
a purely social phone call to chat, rather than calling for a
specific purpose. That alone makes the "rule" stated pretty
specific. Most of my phone calls, whether outgoing or incoming,
are not calls "to talk"; they're calls to ask a specific
question or convey specific information--talking is the medium,
not the goal. There tend to be some significant practical
differences between social calls just "to talk" and practical
calls for a specific purpose. One is duration. IME, calls with a
purpose are generally kept concise, and only allowed to become
lengthy when the topic is important enough to warrant the
extended conversation. Calls "to talk" can become quite long,
because it's basically a social visit on the phone. There's also
a factor of when/where it's appropriate to take each kind of
call. E.g., at my job, it's perfectly acceptable to take a
personal call at my desk or out in the hall for some purpose,
but it would not be at all appropriate for me to sit around
having a social chat on my phone. Unplanned phone calls from
people I know (i.e., not telemarketers) are almost always either
time-sensitive or important. E.g., "I'm about to buy tickets for
[event]. Do you want me to get one for you?" or "I'm at [store].
Do you need anything?" or "My car just started making this funny
noise, and I need help figuring out whether it's safe to drive
to work tomorrow" or "[Relative] was just admitted to the
hospital." Because such calls are likely to be either
time-sensitive or important while less pressing matters go to
email or text, I make it a priority to pick up calls from my
family and friends if it's practical, even at times I do not
have time to chat. Social calls are great, too, at an
appropriate place and time. Most people I chat with on the phone
pre-arrange such calls so both people know they have time set
aside for the "visit."
As a result, if I realized that someone I knew routinely called
just "to talk" without pre-arrangement, I might suggest once or
twice that it would work better for me if they texted first to
see if it was a good time, and then...I'd probably stop picking
up their calls unless I had time to chat, and assume they'd
leave a message if the call actually turned out to have some
purpose. It's similar to someone deciding to "drop by" my house
for a visit, without calling first--sure, that was once normal,
but it's not anymore because we now have convenient options for
arranging social calls before showing up. The die-hard phone
callers and drop-byers may both decide to be appalled that
society has become less "friendly" because their preferred
method is dropping out of favor, but realistically, our options
for communicating with people are exploding--nowadays I can have
ongoing, daily communication with friends across the country in
different time-zones, and can not just talk to them, but video
chat, when we want a (usually pre-scheduled) real-time audio
conversation. Communication is happening; you can try to cling
to the patterns that used to apply, but if you do, you may only
be shutting yourself out of the conversation.
#Post#: 28198--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Venus193 Date: March 24, 2019, 11:12 am
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You seem to think that people who prefer the phone have no
consideration for other people's time, but many of us we can
talk faster than we can type. It took me only about two weeks
to get used to the virtual keypad on my new smartphone, but I
still prefer to talk, even when the situation is informational.
Words on a screen can't convey emotion or other things that a
tone of voice can. Good for business where emotion is not
wanted but questionable in a personal situation.
I have also wondered whether some people's tendencies to not
have land lines is to avoid extended phone conversation
altogether because of how it wears down phone batteries. My
landline phone is one that gets its power from Verizon and
doesn't have a cordless receiver; I can talk for 24 hours if I
have the energy.
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