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#Post#: 28152--------------------------------------------------
"Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Venus193 Date: March 23, 2019, 5:29 pm
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A few days ago I had a phone conversation with my college buddy
on what we perceive as a major communication breakdown in
society. Too many people younger than ourselves seem to
overwhelmingly prefer texting to talking and many type in
"textspeak" which carries over to other communication. A few
years ago my shrink told me that he had 20-something patients
who would show him text messages on their cell phones and ask
"What does X mean by this?" The Wall Street Journal had an
article over ten years ago about this trend, saying that younger
generations were losing the art of conversation... and that many
of them didn't seem to think this was a problem.
At any rate, my friend said that the latest thing is "You can't
call me to talk unless you send a text first. It's rude." When
I asked why he said he was told "It's too intrusive." My jaw
hit the floor over that.
What are your thoughts? Have any of you heard this one?
#Post#: 28153--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Sycorax Date: March 23, 2019, 5:49 pm
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I don't know that it's rude to just call without texting first
(you can always let unwanted calls go to voicemail), but I think
it's pretty common anymore to not want to actually talk on the
phone.
#Post#: 28154--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: lakey Date: March 23, 2019, 5:55 pm
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This doesn't seem to be an issue with people I associate with,
but that's because I'm older. Among the people I know who are in
their twenties and thirties, they don't seem to be like this.
They text more than I do, but they aren't doing it almost
exclusively, and they are fine with speaking on a phone.
I do think that there is a major problem with communicating via
text or email instead of talking directly to someone on a phone
or in person. With text and email you don't get the person's
tone or facial expressions. This can lead to miscommunication or
hurt feelings. Emojis can help, but I have known people who
received emails and took them in a way that was not intended.
Another example would be in a situation where you need to
communicate about something that is a touchy subject, or you
need to communicate with an acquaintance or relative that you
aren't always on good terms with. I've seen threads on this site
or on the old site where people were communicating with emails,
and I would think that they would do better with a phone call.
#Post#: 28155--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: lakey Date: March 23, 2019, 6:03 pm
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I can't remember specific OP topics, but I just remember that
there were threads about a person having difficulties with
someone and they were going back and forth with emails. It would
just seem to be that they would be better off picking up a phone
and talking to each other. Texting and emailing are impersonal
compared to talking to a person. In many situations texting is
quicker, more efficient, and less intrusive. It isn't a problem
unless it replaces "the human touch". I don't see many people
who take it to that degree.
#Post#: 28156--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Venus193 Date: March 23, 2019, 6:05 pm
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[quote]With text and email you don't get the person's tone or
facial expressions. This can lead to miscommunication or hurt
feelings. Emojis can help, but I have known people who received
emails and took them in a way that was not intended.[/quote]
That's exactly what I told my shrink back in the day.
#Post#: 28162--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: Kiwipinball Date: March 23, 2019, 9:53 pm
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I have heard that some people think it's rude. I think it has to
stem from the assumption that you have to pick up the phone.
Otherwise, it wouldn't matter if someone first texted to ask if
it was a good time to talk - if it wasn't, you just wouldn't
answer. But there's this assumption with some people that just
because you CAN be available 24/7 means you NEED to be available
24/7. And I can see if you socialize with people like that, you
might feel internal pressure to respond right away/pick up the
phone. For the record, I don't think it's remotely rude to call
without texting, but I also don't think it's remotely rude to
not answer my call (I'll leave a message if it's important) or
to not respond to my text ASAP.
#Post#: 28165--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: browzer11 Date: March 23, 2019, 11:45 pm
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If I ever had a friend tell me that "You can't call me to talk
unless you send a text first. It's rude.", I would never
associate with them again. And I would call them out if later
pressed on the issue.
#Post#: 28167--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: guest24 Date: March 24, 2019, 2:53 am
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It's becoming more difficult to '' cold call'' people. Before
work? No, they're showering, driving to work,rushing. During
work hours? No, they might be in a meeting. After work? They're
shopping, cooking, eating. Everyone is so busy! It's not rude to
not-text, but at least texting gives the person notice that you
want to speak to them.
#Post#: 28171--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: oogyda Date: March 24, 2019, 6:40 am
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[quote author=Kiwipinball link=topic=1056.msg28162#msg28162
date=1553395981]
I have heard that some people think it's rude. I think it has to
stem from the assumption that you have to pick up the phone.
Otherwise, it wouldn't matter if someone first texted to ask if
it was a good time to talk - if it wasn't, you just wouldn't
answer. But there's this assumption with some people that just
because you CAN be available 24/7 means you NEED to be available
24/7. And I can see if you socialize with people like that, you
might feel internal pressure to respond right away/pick up the
phone. For the record, I don't think it's remotely rude to call
without texting, but I also don't think it's remotely rude to
not answer my call (I'll leave a message if it's important) or
to not respond to my text ASAP.
[/quote]
Years ago, niece was complaining about her friends calling and
texting at all hours and the resulting lack of sleep. I
remarked that she could just turn her phone off and she was
honestly horrified at that idea because "it would be rude not to
answer!"
#Post#: 28172--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
By: oogyda Date: March 24, 2019, 6:47 am
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I also don't think it's rude to not text before I call. That
said, I do precisely that with my sister. Her work schedule and
differing time zones can make it tricky to connect so I just
send her a quick text. If she doesn't answer, I don't call
because I know she's working. Other times, she may be busy but
she will say she'll call me at X o'clock.
One niece will text me to ask if I'm busy before she calls. And
I've had text conversations that get so long or complex one of
us will suggest a phone call.
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