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#Post#: 27298--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: March 6, 2019, 3:06 pm
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--- Quote from: Victoria link ---
>
> [quote author=GardenGal link=topic=1028.msg27150#msg27150
date=1551736852]
> Victoria - are these the only texts you get from her? If not,
and if your mother doesn't seem to be depressed or to have some
concerning reason for sending you these texts, if you consider
the other texts to be appropriate and not depressing I'd suggest
just ignore these. If she expects some kind of response to
these death texts, you could tell her you're not interested in
getting them any more and that in future you'll be ignoring
them, and then just ignore them. She's been told what response
she'll be getting, so it's her choice whether to keep sending
them or not.
>
> OTOH, as PP have mentioned, perhaps your mom is depressed
about something and these texts could be a warning sign.
>
--- End Quote ---
They're some of the only texts I get from her, but we regularly
talk on the phone or via FaceTime, and pass memes and articles
around via Facebook messenger. (She's 60, and she doesn't use
emojis in a sarcastic way). I think that the next time we talk
via FaceTime I'll bring it up and say that I'm just not going to
comment anymore, and the texts are depressing to get out of the
blue when I'm going about my day.
To me, the Death Texts have always felt very terse and almost
like she's trying to check something off a list so that she
doesn't forget it. She obviously thinks that she should tell me,
but sometimes it's nothing more than "John Smith died yesterday.
We're going to the funeral." or just "John Smith died." Like,
"Okay, that's one less thing I have to remember to tell
Victoria."
I appreciate all the responses but I'd really only like to
discuss the etiquette of what sort of cease-and-desist language
to use.
[/quote]
If you want cease and desist language, I'd use a progressive
response process.
1. Tell your mom face to face (or over facetime) that's it's
jarring and depressing to get these texts in the middle of your
day. "Mom, I really don't want you to send me texts about who
died. They're depressing and throw me a bit to get in the middle
of the day. " She'll respond with "You need to know!" or some
variation and your reply should be, "Mom, I don't need to know
anything that's going to upset or depress me. If (these people
die), for instance, contact me immediately. For mere
acquaintances, or people I vaguely know, from our home town,
please don't."
2. If she sends a text - "Mom, I've asked about this. Please
don't send these."
3. Next time she sends a text - "Mom. No."
4. Ignore all the texts after that.
#Post#: 27300--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Hanna
Date: March 6, 2019, 3:57 pm
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Maybe it’s a function of you having moved away.
My Mother told me that when she moved away her Mom was
constantly telling her who died. This was long before text
messaging. As a result, my Mother NEVER tells me when people
die outside of our family. It’s very upsetting because I’ve
missed some extremely important funerals and not upheld what I
consider to be my obligations with respec totbeh survivors. So I
was very embarrassed, for instance, months later to find out
that my cousin’s other Grandfather, who was also like family to
me was gone. I didn’t want to say “well my Mom never mentioned
it.” So instead I just look like a jerk.
I don’t have a solution, but personally I would rather know than
not know.
#Post#: 27337--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: katiekat2009
Date: March 7, 2019, 2:36 pm
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My mom did this too, only it was before phones with texting. She
would call and leave a message on my answering machine that
great-uncle so and so or vaguely known cousin so and so had
died. It used to annoy me too. Now, she is deceased. I finally
realized it wasn't because I had to know but because it was
important to her. I wish I could do it over and give her the
sympathy the message deserves. I'm at the age now where someone
I knows dies every week and understand better now.
#Post#: 27420--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Rain
Date: March 9, 2019, 11:40 am
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My mom did/does the same thing.
She's even read me the obits of people neither of us know. (She
lives with me now) The way I've come to deal with it is to ask
her how she knows the person, if they are related thru my
paternal grandmother's large family.
HUGS.... I get it.
#Post#: 29177--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: LadyRexall
Date: April 10, 2019, 10:10 am
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Your mom sounds extremely empathetic to me. She might not know
someone well or at all, but is affected by their deaths. It
seems like she may want to spread the news so that more people
can send a quick prayer for the family or just a quick thought
about what they must be going through st that time.
The death of John, your old neighbour really has no affect on
you. Johns wife/children/grandkids are having a shitshow of a
day though. Your moms texts might be more commiserating over
what’s johns family is going through.
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