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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 27148--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Dazi
Date: March 4, 2019, 3:47 pm
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I'm not sure how old you are or how old your mom is, but it's
actually kind of a normal thing for elderly people to do (I
promise). It may seem morbid and odd, but depending on her
background and where she's from, this may just be what is done.
My own mother gets her hometown newspaper, even though she
hasn't lived there in decades, to look through the obituaries
daily. I can't make this up. My grandma and some of her lady
friends had a hobby of going to funerals, even if they didn't
know the deceased!, to supposedly show community support.
You just politely respond, "I'm so sorry to hear that," and move
along with your day.
#Post#: 27150--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: March 4, 2019, 4:00 pm
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Victoria - are these the only texts you get from her? If not,
and if your mother doesn't seem to be depressed or to have some
concerning reason for sending you these texts, if you consider
the other texts to be appropriate and not depressing I'd suggest
just ignore these. If she expects some kind of response to
these death texts, you could tell her you're not interested in
getting them any more and that in future you'll be ignoring
them, and then just ignore them. She's been told what response
she'll be getting, so it's her choice whether to keep sending
them or not.
OTOH, as PP have mentioned, perhaps your mom is depressed about
something and these texts could be a warning sign.
#Post#: 27157--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: JeanFromBNA
Date: March 4, 2019, 5:24 pm
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My sister does the same thing with Facebook. Her Facebook feed
reads like the celebrity obituary pages. She's not that old, and
it's gone on since she started on FB years ago.
Our mother never let us forget that she was going to die, so I
chalk it up to that.
#Post#: 27170--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Contrarian
Date: March 5, 2019, 9:02 am
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Some one up thread mention to respond with something like
“that’s terrible”. That is what I would do.
I’m not sure the crying emoji would be taken as anything other
than a bit of a joke amongst my peers. Not to say that the
reception of it wouldn’t be accepted in the way it was meant
among the friends of the poster who suggested it.
But I just wanted to put it out there that an emoji may cover
something like, my boss berated me, I hate life, but with
multiple deaths being announced, the emoji may be seen as a bit
flippant.
On the other hand, announcing multiple deaths by text is a bit
flippant isn’t it?
Sigh. I just don’t know.
#Post#: 27184--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Victoria
Date: March 5, 2019, 10:11 am
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--- Quote from: GardenGal link ---
>
> Victoria - are these the only texts you get from her? If not,
and if your mother doesn't seem to be depressed or to have some
concerning reason for sending you these texts, if you consider
the other texts to be appropriate and not depressing I'd suggest
just ignore these. If she expects some kind of response to
these death texts, you could tell her you're not interested in
getting them any more and that in future you'll be ignoring
them, and then just ignore them. She's been told what response
she'll be getting, so it's her choice whether to keep sending
them or not.
>
> OTOH, as PP have mentioned, perhaps your mom is depressed
about something and these texts could be a warning sign.
>
--- End Quote ---
They're some of the only texts I get from her, but we regularly
talk on the phone or via FaceTime, and pass memes and articles
around via Facebook messenger. (She's 60, and she doesn't use
emojis in a sarcastic way). I think that the next time we talk
via FaceTime I'll bring it up and say that I'm just not going to
comment anymore, and the texts are depressing to get out of the
blue when I'm going about my day.
To me, the Death Texts have always felt very terse and almost
like she's trying to check something off a list so that she
doesn't forget it. She obviously thinks that she should tell me,
but sometimes it's nothing more than "John Smith died yesterday.
We're going to the funeral." or just "John Smith died." Like,
"Okay, that's one less thing I have to remember to tell
Victoria."
I appreciate all the responses but I'd really only like to
discuss the etiquette of what sort of cease-and-desist language
to use.
#Post#: 27186--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: iolaus
Date: March 5, 2019, 10:35 am
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As it seems like deaths are the main thing she texts you for
could you try asking her not to text you, but to tell you when
you speak/facetime/communicate anyway, because the way it
currently is every time your phone beeps you think someone else
is dead
#Post#: 27263--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: March 6, 2019, 8:33 am
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I'd start a conversation with her about how distracting you find
depressing news and how it impacts your work performance when
she decides to send this information during working hours. Ask
her to please remember to only text depressing news if it is
urgent you learn of the event immediately. Ask her why she feels
the need to share the info immediately. Is she wanting to
commiserate with someone? If so, then a call would be much
better.
Also explain that if she continues, you'll stop reading her
texts during work hours and that concerns you that you'll delay
getting one of her messages that might actually be important.
#Post#: 27291--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: myfamily
Date: March 6, 2019, 12:47 pm
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Your mom was going to be driving in an area that had just been
hit with some pretty horrible tornadoes and you didn't know how
to respond to her text telling you? How about something along
the lines of responding with 'Wow! Drive carefully! I hope you
make it home safely. Love you!'
As far as getting her to stop - how frequently does it happen?
Is it happening daily? Weekly? A few times a month?
#Post#: 27292--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Victoria
Date: March 6, 2019, 1:02 pm
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--- Quote from: myfamily link ---
>
> Your mom was going to be driving in an area that had just been
hit with some pretty horrible tornadoes and you didn't know how
to respond to her text telling you? How about something along
the lines of responding with 'Wow! Drive carefully! I hope you
make it home safely. Love you!'
>
> As far as getting her to stop - how frequently does it happen?
Is it happening daily? Weekly? A few times a month?
>
--- End Quote ---
Well yeah, there wasn't any utility in just texting me that 20
people died somewhere that she was semi-closeish to after the
fact, and after she had left that whole area. She didn't think
it was urgent enough to mention the tornado at the time it was
happening or to call anyone, she just waited for the death toll.
If I texted her every time someone got shot "nearish" to where I
live, or every time we had a hurricane or weather event, I'd
never get off the phone.
I get death texts at least weekly. Maybe if she ever included
something like "Just wanted you to know I was okay" or "I'm sad
about so-and-so" or even a sad emoji I'd understand, but there's
literally nothing but facts and statistics every time.
#Post#: 27296--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Sycorax
Date: March 6, 2019, 2:24 pm
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If you don't think you're likely to get "important" texts from
her, you could mute the texts so you don't get the sound
notification.
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