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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 27120--------------------------------------------------
Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Victoria
Date: March 4, 2019, 8:21 am
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I love my mother but she has a tendency to text me the most
depressing stuff, totally out of the blue. I'll be sitting at
work and get a text from her and it'll be "[My childhood doctor]
has a brain tumor. Probably 1 month or so left." Or "[Old family
friend's wife] just died. She hanged herself." She's been out of
state for a work event and two minutes ago she just texted me
"Just left the event, driving back now. Tornado sirens went off
earlier. 20 people died."
I tried bringing it up in a lighthearted way the last time I saw
her but I said "Look, I need you to stop texting me this stuff,
it's really depressing" and she said that she just wants me to
stay caught up about what's going on in my hometown. But it's
just too depressing-and also, how the heck do I even respond to
the latest text? There's just nothing you can say, and there's
no utility in these texts except bumming me out.
#Post#: 27131--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Luci
Date: March 4, 2019, 11:12 am
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--- Quote from: Victoria link ---
>
> I love my mother but she has a tendency to text me the most
depressing stuff, totally out of the blue. I'll be sitting at
work and get a text from her and it'll be "[My childhood doctor]
has a brain tumor. Probably 1 month or so left." Or "[Old family
friend's wife] just died. She hanged herself." She's been out of
state for a work event and two minutes ago she just texted me
"Just left the event, driving back now. Tornado sirens went off
earlier. 20 people died."
>
> I tried bringing it up in a lighthearted way the last time I
saw her but I said "Look, I need you to stop texting me this
stuff, it's really depressing" and she said that she just wants
me to stay caught up about what's going on in my hometown. But
it's just too depressing-and also, how the heck do I even
respond to the latest text? There's just nothing you can say,
and there's no utility in these texts except bumming me out.
>
--- End Quote ---
In the responding to these texts, I find the crying emoji a
simple, quick answer. It indicates I received the message and am
busy. I have no idea how to get your mother to quit texting you
at work. She is your mother and I understand not rocking the
boat completely.
#Post#: 27132--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Victoria
Date: March 4, 2019, 11:22 am
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--- Quote from: Luci link ---
>
> [quote author=Victoria link=topic=1028.msg27120#msg27120
date=1551709288]
> I love my mother but she has a tendency to text me the most
depressing stuff, totally out of the blue. I'll be sitting at
work and get a text from her and it'll be "[My childhood doctor]
has a brain tumor. Probably 1 month or so left." Or "[Old family
friend's wife] just died. She hanged herself." She's been out of
state for a work event and two minutes ago she just texted me
"Just left the event, driving back now. Tornado sirens went off
earlier. 20 people died."
>
> I tried bringing it up in a lighthearted way the last time I
saw her but I said "Look, I need you to stop texting me this
stuff, it's really depressing" and she said that she just wants
me to stay caught up about what's going on in my hometown. But
it's just too depressing-and also, how the heck do I even
respond to the latest text? There's just nothing you can say,
and there's no utility in these texts except bumming me out.
>
--- End Quote ---
In the responding to these texts, I find the crying emoji a
simple, quick answer. It indicates I received the message and am
busy. I have no idea how to get your mother to quit texting you
at work. She is your mother and I understand not rocking the
boat completely.
[/quote]
That's a good call. I'm not sure why I didn't think of it! I
don't know what kind of reaction she's looking for but maybe
after a few times of just getting the crying emoji she won't do
it anymore.
#Post#: 27133--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Jem
Date: March 4, 2019, 11:23 am
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You are not likely to be able to get your mom to change how she
is. I would just ignore the mentions that you are not interested
in and only respond to content that DOES interest you. Let her
depressing texts go into a vacuum. Or better yet, respond with
something light-hearted and happy! Like a gif of a cute animal,
or a link to a feel good news story.
#Post#: 27136--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Lula
Date: March 4, 2019, 12:46 pm
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I would give her a final warning, and if she did it again, my
reply to that text would be "LOL."
OK, maybe not.
#Post#: 27137--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: lisastitch
Date: March 4, 2019, 1:16 pm
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I get how frustrating this would be but I think you're unlikely
to change her. I'm also concerned that if you did break her of
this habit, there may come a point when she will not text you
about a death that you do want to hear about.
As my mother has aged, I do want to know about her friends'
deaths. I knew many of these people growing up, and have heard
about the others, and their deaths are hard on Mom.
I'd probably go with the crying emoji, or with "Thanks, Mom".
You've acknowledged it but left lines of communication open.
#Post#: 27140--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: LurkingGurl
Date: March 4, 2019, 2:11 pm
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Your mom may be depressed. She may be thinking of her own
mortality more than is healthy for her.
So, in sending you these texts, I think maybe she is seeking to
not be so alone in these thoughts. Perhaps you could
acknowledge the sadness but then offer an encouraging word and
some love.
Something like "That's terribly sad. We are so lucky to have
our health and each other. I love you mom!"
That gives her a gentle reality check to bring her out of the
gloom. And also a virtual hug to lighten her spirit.
#Post#: 27142--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: Amara
Date: March 4, 2019, 2:49 pm
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--- Quote ---
> ... she said that she just wants me to stay caught up about
what's going on in my hometown.
--- End Quote ---
Tell her that depressing news like that isn't all that's surely
going on in your old town, that you want to hear the good and
funny and wonderful stuff. People who think "news about ..."
means only awful things need to have their minds turned around.
#Post#: 27143--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: pierrotlunaire0
Date: March 4, 2019, 3:01 pm
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--- Quote from: Mary Sunshine Rain link ---
>
> Your mom may be depressed. She may be thinking of her own
mortality more than is healthy for her.
>
> So, in sending you these texts, I think maybe she is seeking
to not be so alone in these thoughts. Perhaps you could
acknowledge the sadness but then offer an encouraging word and
some love.
>
> Something like "That's terribly sad. We are so lucky to have
our health and each other. I love you mom!"
>
> That gives her a gentle reality check to bring her out of the
gloom. And also a virtual hug to lighten her spirit.
>
--- End Quote ---
Very insightful, and a lovely way to handle it.
#Post#: 27145--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop texting me about death!
DIR By: bopper
Date: March 4, 2019, 3:18 pm
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Maybe call her "Mom, I am not sure you realize it but the last
few times yuo texted me it has been about people dying.
I am willing to be here for you to talk about stuff like that,
but I sure would like it if that was not the only texts I got
from you."
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