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#Post#: 26706--------------------------------------------------
Something That Came Up On Facebook - Startled Me - But not etiqu
ette.
By: VorFemme Date: February 23, 2019, 8:10 pm
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A sister-in-law who rarely contacts me just asked me, out of the
blue, about someone who had sent her a friend request - instead
of asking her husband (my brother). I will briefly tell you
that her family background has left her wary around people that
she is not introduced to by people that she trusts...but the
details are not my story.
I was slightly surprised that she didn't ask my brother...but as
it's our aunt...I was able to answer her quickly and
reassuringly that this person was well known to me and the rest
of the family. But it wasn't a question that I ever expected to
have to ask...
On the other hand, I suppose that her last name bears no
resemblance to her maiden name or the name that she might have
been in their Christmas card list under (changed it after a
recent divorce, but not to her maiden name - to her first
husband's name). She does look strikingly like my mother
(SIL's MIL), the other sisters in the family, our maternal
grandmother, and her own husband.
Should she have asked her husband or checked to see if the woman
was in anyone else's friends list - or should I just be
flattered that she thought that I'd have a quick answer for her?
#Post#: 26707--------------------------------------------------
Re: Something That Came Up On Facebook - Startled Me - But not e
tiquette.
By: Jem Date: February 23, 2019, 8:17 pm
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I think you are way overthinking this. Answer her, or don’t.
#Post#: 26708--------------------------------------------------
Re: Something That Came Up On Facebook - Startled Me - But not e
tiquette.
By: LadyRexall Date: February 23, 2019, 8:21 pm
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I think you’re over thinking the issue. There’s so many reasons
to ask you over hubby. Maybe hubby was out and doesn’t promptly
text back, maybe hubby was at work and personal phones we
banned. I could come up with reasons all day why she didn’t go
to her hubby.
#Post#: 26713--------------------------------------------------
Re: Something That Came Up On Facebook - Startled Me - But not e
tiquette.
By: VorFemme Date: February 23, 2019, 11:07 pm
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She did mention that Brother does not have a Facebook account -
which also seems a bit odd in 2019...but that would be his
choice. I guess some of my own history with Facebook (finding
out from my DD that my cousin had posted about his grandmother's
death on Facebook and she wanted to know if that was true - when
my mother was still tied up with dealing with the situation and
had called her sisters but not her own kids, yet).
I might be inclined to not quite trusting some of the things
that happen on Facebook...or understanding them.
#Post#: 26714--------------------------------------------------
Re: Something That Came Up On Facebook - Startled Me - But not e
tiquette.
By: Aleko Date: February 24, 2019, 2:41 am
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[quote]Brother does not have a Facebook account - which also
seems a bit odd in 2019 -[/quote]
Surely the opposite: over the last year or so the reasons not to
have a Facebook account have been piling up exponentially!
#Post#: 26716--------------------------------------------------
Re: Something That Came Up On Facebook - Startled Me - But not e
tiquette.
By: Star Wars Fan Date: February 24, 2019, 3:01 am
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I think you answered your own question. Your brother (her
husband) doesn't have a Facebook account so she asked you
because you do have one and she thought you might know
something. You were able to tell her and you seem happy to be
able to, so I don't understand what the big deal is. I agree you
seem to be way overthinking the situation. You were being
helpful to a relative that's all, nothing more and nothing less.
I don't get why it's bothering you, it's just one of those
everyday life situations. It's a cliché but you need to let it
go. ;D
Ed.
#Post#: 26719--------------------------------------------------
Re: Something That Came Up On Facebook - Startled Me - But not e
tiquette.
By: Jem Date: February 24, 2019, 5:59 am
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[quote author=VorFemme link=topic=1014.msg26713#msg26713
date=1550984868]
She did mention that Brother does not have a Facebook account -
which also seems a bit odd in 2019...but that would be his
choice. I guess some of my own history with Facebook (finding
out from my DD that my cousin had posted about his grandmother's
death on Facebook and she wanted to know if that was true - when
my mother was still tied up with dealing with the situation and
had called her sisters but not her own kids, yet).
I might be inclined to not quite trusting some of the things
that happen on Facebook...or understanding them.
[/quote]
I don’t know that the cousin was out of line. The news got to
him so I bet he assumed the news got to other family members as
well. It sounds like your mom was slow in getting the news out
to you, but that is not the cousin’s fault.
#Post#: 26725--------------------------------------------------
Re: Something That Came Up On Facebook - Startled Me - But not e
tiquette.
By: Bales Date: February 24, 2019, 9:15 am
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She probably asked you since you were listed as a mutual friend
of the aunt when she received the friend request. And it may be
easy for you to assume that she should have seen the resemblance
to your mother and known it was family, but it doesn't sound
like this SIL is close to your family, and certainly doesn't
know this particular aunt well at all, so she may not have seen
the family resemblance. She may have assumed it was a friend of
yours or some other connection.
I don't find her asking you to be odd at all.
#Post#: 26954--------------------------------------------------
Re: Something That Came Up On Facebook - Startled Me - But not e
tiquette.
By: Contrarian Date: February 28, 2019, 12:00 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1014.msg26714#msg26714
date=1550997713]
[quote]Brother does not have a Facebook account - which also
seems a bit odd in 2019 -[/quote]
Surely the opposite: over the last year or so the reasons not to
have a Facebook account have been piling up exponentially!
[/quote]
That threw me off as well. I know why other people enjoy
Facebook, and I’m glad they enjoy it. But I have no reason for
it, personally.
However there is one site I visit where the same poster will
rant endlessly about how irresponsible it is for someone to not
have a Facebook account and another woman stated “in case of a
natural disaster” as a reason I should have Facebook.
Some of us, don’t have large families, some of us barely have
any family. And some of us, actually aren’t too social. What’s
the big deal?
#Post#: 26963--------------------------------------------------
Re: Something That Came Up On Facebook - Startled Me - But not e
tiquette.
By: VorFemme Date: February 28, 2019, 2:09 pm
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There is a Facebook profile with what could be either my
brother's name or Dad's name (no middle name, no senior or
junior suffix or photo to narrow the possibilities) AND there
are second cousins with a similar first name - didn't bring that
up to my SIL as it might have been an abandoned profile...if you
don't have access to the original email address, it can be very
difficult to get back into some sites to update things like your
new email address.
SIL and Brother don't travel a lot, even before his heart attack
in June 2018 and he's still undergoing treatment for that
(complications delayed some follow ups - not my information to
share). So she only meets extended family when they are in the
same area where she & Brother live and if they get in touch with
them. She is uncomfortable with "strangers", for reasons of her
own (again, not my information) and if Brother is working, he
may not be able to set up a family member meet & greet with
family members who might otherwise meet for lunch.
I've also realized that a part of my interest in etiquette is
that it is the closest you can come to written rules for social
interaction that MOST (but not all) people in the same culture
will share. If I can read the rules of an activity and then
watch it for a while, I can figure it out faster than if I just
watch it... Sometimes I end up trying to figure out what
happened & why it happened because not everyone follows the same
etiquette.
But I've gotten enough information out of this posting that I've
figured out that I should just shrug & write it off as something
that isn't up to me to do more than ID who was contacting SIL,
as Brother might have been at work or a medical appointment and
not available to ask. She trusts me enough to ask me...which
can't be a bad thing.
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