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#Post#: 26453--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: gramma dishes Date: February 20, 2019, 9:39 am
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"God laid it on my heart ... "
That right there would have been my signal to get up and walk
away. Or I would have said "God whispered in my ear that He was
pleased I was feeding my baby the way He intended and that I was
always welcome to nurse my child while visiting His house."
#Post#: 26487--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: Bada Date: February 20, 2019, 4:01 pm
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[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1004.msg26404#msg26404
date=1550631176]
My relationship with someone determines how willing and
interested I am with hearing them out and sharing my decision
making process with them. However someone telling me basically
that God is in their corner on a topic related to my life would
drastically reduce the chances of me having much discussion
about the topic at all.
I wouldn’t say anything about the class except, “we have a Mommy
and Me class from 1-2pm so we will see you after that.”
Regarding church, I would mention prior, “I will be nursing
during mass. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable and I
understand if you want to sit elsewhere.” Or something similar,
as nice as I could muster.
I also believe, as mentioned up thread, your Step Mom’s issue
may be related to your son’s age.
.
[/quote]
I really like the idea that, by showing she can't speak with me
civilly about this issue, she has forfeited the right to an
explanation. I just do my thing and I don't have to explain
why. Thank you for this perspective!
#Post#: 26497--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: mime Date: February 20, 2019, 5:13 pm
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Legality isn't the only consideration, as others have said. By
the Pope's declaration it is clear that nursing during Mass is
just fine. My church has a separate (and very comfy) room for
nursing during the service, which would then be most appropriate
to use. No right or wrong there-- just different norms.
If SM is a host for the gathering, then there are rules she gets
to establish to make herself and her other guests most
comfortable in whatever ways she sees fit, and you get to decide
whether to accept that level of hospitality. When you are the
host, the roles are reversed.
I think it is most kind to let her know that the environment at
your church will make her uncomfortable and she can decide
whether she wants to skip out. I wouldn't invite her to your
class, though, since it is so much more focused on the mom-child
relationship and there will be lots of nursing moms. For SM's
comfort and that of everyone else there, I'd just go without her
and you can meet up afterwards.
#Post#: 26498--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: Jem Date: February 20, 2019, 5:37 pm
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I still think it is the age of the OP’s son, along with the fact
the OP has no interest in weaning him, that is the issue for the
SM - not breastfeeding in and of itself.
I realize the OP “owes” her SM no explanation, but I suspect the
SM is uncomfortable with the unknown. Will the OP continue to
breastfeed her son (in public or otherwise) until he is 3? 5? 7?
10? (Robin and Lysa Arryn!?!) Again, not SM’s call to make, but
I do think that if the OP wants to maintain a relationship with
her father and SM it makes sense to address this rather than
avoid it. The SM’s discomfort is not going to get better, I
don’t think, as the son gets older.
#Post#: 26500--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: Sycorax Date: February 20, 2019, 6:57 pm
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=1004.msg26498#msg26498
date=1550705828]
I still think it is the age of the OP’s son, along with the fact
the OP has no interest in weaning him, that is the issue for the
SM - not breastfeeding in and of itself.
[/quote]
That's my guess, too.
#Post#: 26502--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: HenrysMom Date: February 20, 2019, 8:44 pm
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Personally, I think the discussion should have ended when OP
refused to have the conversation, and there is no need for any
further statements by the OP to her stepmother about the
subject. It soothes the child, and OP’s husband has her back,
it’s no one else’s business.
#Post#: 26518--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: LifeOnPluto Date: February 21, 2019, 4:09 am
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I'm not a parent, so feel free to take this with a grain of
salt, OP. But from your posts, it does sound like you nurse your
son a lot, both in public or in private. I know that newborns
need to feed almost constantly, but a nearly-two year old should
be on solids, right? So it sounds like the nursing is more for
comfort purposes, rather than from necessity. Given your son's
age, I can see how that might be off-putting to some people.
Don't get me wrong, I think your stepmother was wrong to
confront you about it in such an adversarial manner. If she's
truly concerned that your parenting habits may be affecting your
son's physical or psychological welfare, there are far more
gentler and politer ways to bring it up.
At the end of the day, if your actions aren't harming your son
(or anyone else), they trump SM's discomfort. Honestly, I'd just
carry on as normal. No need to 'warn' her about what happens at
your church or anything. I definitely wouldn't take her to the
Mommy and Me class, unless (a) she really wants to go; and (b)
it's very common for members to bring along random friends and
relatives!
#Post#: 26544--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: LadyRexall Date: February 21, 2019, 9:29 am
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I also did child lead weaning. The mom takes cues from the
baby/child when to wean. There’s nothing wrong with this
approach. Most people do have their limits. It’s few and far
between that you see people continuing to nurse after 5 years
old. Sure there’s sensational stories about this but it’s truly
not the norm. My limit was 3. I felt that yes, I’d let my
daughter lead the weaning but if it didn’t happen by 3, then I’d
have to take over. I think op probably is doing the same thing.
I bet she has an age limit in mind, but if she doesn’t then do
be it. She’s certainly not harming her child by letting a 2 year
old nurse. Might a 5 year old or 7 year old have some
psychological and social effects if they are still nursing? I’d
say yes. A two year old? No. No they don’t. What’s more is that
we’ve always taught that there is no need to jade. Op owns her
sm no justification. No explanation. No mom is 💯 all the
time. We all make mistakes with the best of intentions. Once op
said this was not going to be a discussion that’s where it
should have stopped.
#Post#: 26547--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: Hmmm Date: February 21, 2019, 9:40 am
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[quote author=Pandorica link=topic=1004.msg26500#msg26500
date=1550710633]
[quote author=Jem link=topic=1004.msg26498#msg26498
date=1550705828]
I still think it is the age of the OP’s son, along with the fact
the OP has no interest in weaning him, that is the issue for the
SM - not breastfeeding in and of itself.
[/quote]
That's my guess, too.
[/quote]
Me too. And honestly, I would be uncomfortable with a 2 year old
using a breast as a pacifier, which is what it sounds like is
happening since she says she'll nurse for short period to
comfort the child.
Most pediatricians and medical groups recommend limiting use of
a pacifier by around 6 months and trying to completely eliminate
it by 2. So I struggle with why it is ok to allow a child to use
a breast as a pacifier for so long. It seems to me that a cuddle
and croon should be just as effective.
#Post#: 26553--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: February 21, 2019, 10:00 am
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If the SM is that uncomfortable about OP breastfeeding, that is
on her. When to wean, is the mother's choice. If she is
comfortable nursing a 2 y/o in public, so be it. She doesn't
need to cover the baby with a blanket, or go sit in a bathroom,
which is completely disgusting to even suggest. If SM doesn't
like it, then she doesn't have to look.
A breast's, first and foremost job, is to provide nutrition, for
children.
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