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#Post#: 26306--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: Aleko Date: February 19, 2019, 1:45 am
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Although breast-feeding for two years and indeed often a lot
more is normal in many parts of the world, it is not very usual
in present-day Western culture. Many people who would have no
issue with a mother nursing a young baby in public would be
pretty taken aback to see a two-year-old latching on to the
breast. It's possible that this, not public breast-feeding as
such, is actually what has weirded SM out, and she was just too
freaked to analyse her reaction properly. If so, her outburst
may have more to do with worries about the child's psychological
and social development - 'OMG, what if he's still suckling in
preschool?' - than public indecency.
I'm not saying OP should change her child-rearing practice, or
even hide it from her SM; just that SM's rant may derive from
understandable worry about the child rather than squeamishness
about breast-exposure, and if the feeding issue does come up
again it might be helpful to address that.
#Post#: 26322--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: DaDancingPsych Date: February 19, 2019, 8:46 am
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I agree that this may be stemming from the fact that your child
is two and still nursing. Aleko stated the situation so much
more eloquently than I could. I am not sure that it would change
my (or anyone's) advice, but something to consider. Also, I
wonder if it might be a generational thing. I can only speak for
my family, but mother believes that moms should not breastfeed
in public, but rather should step into another room and do it
privately. I think that that sentiment was much more common in
her breastfeeding days than today. None of this excuses the way
that your MIL addressed things, but may (or may not) be helpful
in understanding her.
As far as the class, attend if you want or attend the make-up
class if you prefer. I would not alter my plans based on this.
However, if you decide to attend and invite MIL (which all of
the mommy and me classes that I have seen typically do not
invite grandparents, so I would base this on the norms of your
group), I would be clear with MIL about the breastfeeding. "This
group does openly breastfeed their children. If that is going to
make you uncomfortable, then it would be best that you make
alternate plans.) If you decide to not go, I would not openly
announce your reasoning as being MIL. I do not see MIL changing
in her beliefs and it feels like stirring the pot to mention it.
I would handle church (or really any situation) the same way. "I
do breastfeed son during the service so if that is going to make
you uncomfortable, then it would be best for you to make
alternate plans."
Basically, you are stating that this is how each of this
situations go down. You are not asking MIL to change her beliefs
nor are you budging from yours. You are welcoming her to join
you, but leaving her an out if she does not feel comfortable.
#Post#: 26327--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: Hmmm Date: February 19, 2019, 10:05 am
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Your SM over-stepped and once you said you would not discuss,
she should have dropped it. As far as the upcoming visit, I'd go
with not inviting them to the mommie & me class. Let them know
you and your son will be attending but since there will be other
mom's and open breast feeding, you are not willing to expose
these mom's to their disdain of open breast feeding.
For church, let them know they are welcome to join but sit
separately so that they are not disturbed by you and your child.
#Post#: 26329--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: sandisadie Date: February 19, 2019, 10:13 am
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I'm not offended or put off in any way when I see a mother
nursing her child in public. But I do wonder why a mother would
want to do this in the view of strangers, or among a crowd of
people, such as in church. To me, nursing a child is more then
just providing food to your child. It is a bonding moment and a
private one, at that. Maybe I'm just old fashioned to think
that.
#Post#: 26332--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: Bada Date: February 19, 2019, 10:21 am
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=1004.msg26293#msg26293
date=1550543273]
Stated another way, the OP can and should do what she wants. But
she cannot also expect everyone (or anyone) to not have opinions
on what she does. If it is more important for her to expose her
breasts while nursing in public, then own it! If it is important
to not embarrass her SM in public while nursing her son,
consider a drape.
[/quote]
I understand that people will "have opinions." However, SM's
attempt to shame me like a misbehaving puppy dog because God
told her to was just wrong on so many levels.
The way you have phrased your post makes it sound like I'm an
exhibitionist, putting myself on display intentionally! Yikes!
I'm just taking care of my son.
Son is not going to be willing willing to sit under a blanket
while he nurses and I don't think he should have to, even if it
makes SM uncomfortable. HOWEVER, I wrote this post because I am
trying to respect her position that she is uncomfortable and so
I'm going to give her opportunities to opt out of events, I'm
just not sure what the best option is. My personal preference at
the moment is to tell her "You're not invited to X, because I
will be nursing" and to flounce out of the room. That's neither
kind nor polite (nor good for our future relationship), so I've
reached out here to see what others would do.
There's other stuff I was going to say on some other posts, but
I'm out of time for now. :)
#Post#: 26342--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: Jem Date: February 19, 2019, 10:49 am
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[quote author=Bada link=topic=1004.msg26272#msg26272
date=1550533732]
…
I could go as usual on Saturday and invite them with a warning
that I, and others, will be exposing our breasts in public (as
is permitted BY FREAKING LAW and encouraged by the instructor)
and let them choose whether to join us
[/quote]
This is the portion of the OP I wanted to quote but could not
from my phone. The phrasing I used was the phrasing the OP used
in the above quote from the OP, which is why I thought it
important to address. If the OP is, in fact "exposing her
breasts in public" while nursing, there are techniques she could
employ to avoid this.
The OP said: HOWEVER, I wrote this post because I am trying to
respect her position that she is uncomfortable and so I'm going
to give her opportunities to opt out of events, I'm just not
sure what the best option is.
My posts were providing ideas for how to continue to nurse in
public while respecting how the SM feels about it.
#Post#: 26344--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: katiekat2009 Date: February 19, 2019, 11:13 am
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"Son is not going to be willing willing to sit under a blanket
while he nurses and I don't think he should have to"
You're giving an awful lot of power to your son. Why not be the
mom and decide when he will nurse and even that it may be time
to stop? Personally, I would be icked out at someone in church
exposing their breast during the service. The proper thing to do
is take him out of the service but I feel you WANT to make a
statement. Indeed, I find most breast-feeding moms to be
"rebels" - they are going to do it whether anyone likes it or
not. I'm sure you wouldn't deliberately embarrass your SM in
other areas, so why this? Because she needs to be educated?
Because you are right? Maybe just examine your motives here. You
are trying to force your own ideals on a society that is not
ready for it. You have a right to breast-feed. I have a right to
an "ick free" (distracting) church service.
#Post#: 26345--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: Sycorax Date: February 19, 2019, 11:18 am
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How many people are actually going to see anything at a church
service, though? The usual church setup is such that someone in
the pews in front or back of someone aren't going to see
anything and people a few seats down aren't going to see
anything, either.
#Post#: 26362--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: Twik Date: February 19, 2019, 1:47 pm
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=1004.msg26293#msg26293
date=1550543273]
Stated another way, the OP can and should do what she wants. But
she cannot also expect everyone (or anyone) to not have opinions
on what she does. If it is more important for her to expose her
breasts while nursing in public, then own it! If it is important
to not embarrass her SM in public while nursing her son,
consider a drape.
[/quote]
If no one in church is complaining, I'd suspect she's behaving
appropriately.
#Post#: 26376--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a family member is appalled by you nursing publicly
By: SioCat Date: February 19, 2019, 2:31 pm
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[quote author=katiekat2009 link=topic=1004.msg26344#msg26344
date=1550596411]
"Son is not going to be willing willing to sit under a blanket
while he nurses and I don't think he should have to"
You're giving an awful lot of power to your son. Why not be the
mom and decide when he will nurse and even that it may be time
to stop? Personally, I would be icked out at someone in church
exposing their breast during the service. The proper thing to do
is take him out of the service but I feel you WANT to make a
statement. Indeed, I find most breast-feeding moms to be
"rebels" - they are going to do it whether anyone likes it or
not. I'm sure you wouldn't deliberately embarrass your SM in
other areas, so why this? Because she needs to be educated?
Because you are right? Maybe just examine your motives here. You
are trying to force your own ideals on a society that is not
ready for it. You have a right to breast-feed. I have a right to
an "ick free" (distracting) church service.
[/quote]
I don’t want to have a blanket draped over me. It’s hot and
muggy and uncomfortable. And why should she stop? She doesn’t
want to. And what’s so rebellious about that? No, you don’t have
a right to an “ick free” service if what icks you out is legal
and allowed.
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