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#Post#: 578--------------------------------------------------
Please don't say that . . . OP#20
By: jpcher Date: May 14, 2018, 4:48 pm
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. . . is something that I'd politely like to tell my boss. Not
quite sure how to go about this situation.
BG: I have a fear of flying* plus social anxiety. Even thinking
about going to the airport, getting on a plane, finding a rental
car, driving through unknown city (I don't have a smart phone
with GPS) in an unknown vehicle, meeting with people in an
environment that I don't know, etc. just freaks me out a bit.
endBG.
My Boss (Karla) knows this and she hasn't pushed me to travel
for several years.
A few months ago we had a meeting with all of Boss' direct
reports who are located throughout the country. She said that
one of her initiatives is to get the team together in one
location. She then said that "Since jpcher doesn't like to
travel I thought we'd do it here at our location."
That comment made me cringe (please don't tell everybody about
my anxieties!) but the suggestion was well received "Oh! I've
never been to MyCity!" and "Would love to go to MyCity" and
"Great thought!" So I let it go (didn't say anything to Boss)
because it was a positive response.
Last week we had another team meeting and Boss brought up the
topic saying that she'd like to schedule something in
July/August and "Since jpcher doesn't like to travel, we'll do
it here."
Am I overthinking this?
Why not just say "Our facility is a wonderful place to visit"?
Is there a polite/proper way to talk to Boss saying "Please
don't bring up my fears/anxiety again, that just puts me in an
awkward spot"?
FTR -- Since the first mention of the team visit I've already
thought about tours of our facility (we have some pretty amazing
stuff) and even thought of suggesting a get together for dinner
at my favorite local Mexican restaurant. Since this is on my
turf I'd like to think/hope that my anxiety won't be that high.
My facility and I are in a suburb of MyCity, so I won't offer to
tour them around the city and sights (got lost there once (bad
story), won't go there again unless someone else takes the helm,
don't really enjoy the City myself) but there's plenty of
information available at our site plus public transport for them
to enjoy on their own.
Thoughts?
*I know that since DD#1 will be moving to far away state I'll
have to overcome this, but there's always AmTrack! Plus DD#2
will probably be traveling with me so I think I'll be okay when
visiting DD#1 ;)
#Post#: 581--------------------------------------------------
Re: Please don't say that . . .
By: Sycorax Date: May 14, 2018, 4:58 pm
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I think it'd be fine to ask her not to call attention to your
fear.
#Post#: 582--------------------------------------------------
Re: Please don't say that . . .
By: Jem Date: May 14, 2018, 4:59 pm
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I think you can ask Karla not to mention you by name and/or not
give a reason why all meetings are held at your location.
Depending on the size of your organization (I am guessing
relatively small since your issues are dictating the location of
meetings) I think it is likely “everyone” already knows though.
As an aside, I think it’s rather nice that Karla is scheduling
meetings to accommodate you! I imagine other employees would
prefer not to have to travel for whatever reason and I would
anticipate someone will raise this issue at some point. I guess
it matters how many employees are located in each area. It makes
sense to have one employee travel for a meeting where everyone
else already is. It makes less sense if the meeting is always in
a place that requires more people to travel than if the meeting
were held elsewhere.
#Post#: 585--------------------------------------------------
Re: Please don't say that . . .
By: Bales Date: May 14, 2018, 5:08 pm
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Her phrasing doesn't actually mention a fear or phobia, so if I
was hearing it, I would just assume you didn't like to travel
for any number of reasons (family commitments, for example.) So
I would not ask her to bring up your fears/anxiety because I
don't think she is and I also think it's very nice of her to
keep that in mind when scheduling.
However, since she has stated that your dislike of travel is the
reason for the location, others may start to resent always
having to travel if they feel it's just your preference. So I
would approach it from that angle - be grateful that boss is
willing to consider your situation, but ask if she could just
advise that the location was chosen for convenience. And if
there are alternate locations that you could get to with a train
ride, suggest one of those for the next one.
#Post#: 607--------------------------------------------------
Re: Please don't say that . . .
By: Octavia Date: May 14, 2018, 7:25 pm
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Business communications can be spun different ways. Employees
tend to appreciate when leadership puts positive spin on
decisions. So perhaps approach your boss with thanks for
accommodating your travel restrictions along with a request to
put a positive spin on the explanation to others (instead of the
negative spin that could make you look like a scapegoat). I like
your suggestion to say your city is a great place to visit, it's
most convenient to get around, etc. Keep it positive!
#Post#: 608--------------------------------------------------
Re: Please don't say that . . .
By: Surly Date: May 14, 2018, 7:30 pm
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I think that's a reasonable ask -- thank her for making the
accommodation for you (it's a pretty big thing for her to do,
and definitely worthy of thanks!) but ask that she not use it as
a reason to others. Or, if you are worried about others getting
resentful, let her know it's okay to schedule things elsewhere
sometimes even if it means you'll have to miss them.
I have some travel anxiety too and I find the more people talk
about it, the worse it gets! I have made the choice to travel
anyway, and the colleagues who pretend they don't notice that my
hands are shaking in line for the plane are my favourite
colleagues to travel with.
#Post#: 621--------------------------------------------------
Re: Please don't say that . . .
By: HenrysMom Date: May 14, 2018, 8:56 pm
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Is it possible that your boss is “calling you out” on this issue
in a passive-aggressive way? Something like “I’ll mention it
enough times and everyone will put pressure on JPCher to get
over it already.”
Don’t mean to be harsh and maybe I’m wrong, but I’ve worked with
enough PA bosses to not put it past a manager to do it.
#Post#: 704--------------------------------------------------
Re: Please don't say that . . .
By: guest46 Date: May 15, 2018, 10:47 am
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I would ask "Karla, do we really have our meetings here because
of me? Am I the only reason?" I would mean it sincerely because
I would honestly want to know.
If Karla says no it's because your facility has good conference
rooms/is centrally located/something else, you could ask her if
she minds saying that as the reason next time because you feel
awkward being singled out as the only reason.
If Karla says yes you are the only reason your company has
meetings there, you could ask her if could say something like
"We're going to have the meetings at our facility like we have
the past couple times" which is true and means you aren't being
singled out as the only reason.
Are there other sites a drive or a train-ride away you could
suggest as alternatives so you are showing you are a team player
but you still don't have to fly?
#Post#: 708--------------------------------------------------
Re: Please don't say that . . .
By: Hmmm Date: May 15, 2018, 11:02 am
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I'll be blunt.
Your boss is supportive and understanding of your fear of travel
and does not insist you try to get over it.
Your boss is arranging 2 events so that you can attend and not
have to navigate your fear of travel.
Instead of saying, thank you for being so considerate, you want
to confront her about stating the accurate reason to the rest of
the team about why the meetings are being arranged in your
locale.
She didn't mention your anxiety, she just said you don't like to
travel. People have all types of reasons for not liking to
travel for work like family or pet obligations.
If you really don't want the team to know the reason behind the
decision then I think it is more appropriate for you to tell
your boss that in the future you understand if meetings occur in
other cities and that you'll be absent and that you do not want
all decisions on meeting locations to be made based on your
anxiety issues.
#Post#: 727--------------------------------------------------
Re: Please don't say that . . .
By: MissV Date: May 15, 2018, 11:54 am
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Wow, your boss is awesome! I have a fear of flying and I take a
Xanax and some wine and suck it up. You are so lucky that she
is scheduling meeting destinations based on your phobias!
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