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#Post#: 3545--------------------------------------------------
Pokemon Legends Awakened - Book 1, The Kanto Saga Discussion
DIR By: TitanDragonLord
Date: August 7, 2013, 10:08 am
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Leave any criticism, ideas or theories here! ^^
#Post#: 3546--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pokemon Legends Awakened - Book 1, The Kanto Saga Discussion
DIR By: Aurauris
Date: August 7, 2013, 1:44 pm
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[font=georgia][color=#5694EB]No criticism from me! I love your
clear-cut imagery, how you paint out the scene without getting
too wordy or forgetting to include details broader than the
immediate focus of action, like with the sudden spreading of
fires throughout the Mansion with the final psychic pulse.
--- Quote ---
> . . . Arcanine, a large dog like Pokemon with a cream colored
mane and tail and an orange body slashed with stripes of black.
--- End Quote ---
[font=georgia][color=#5694EB] GREAT umph in this adjective here,
it fits not only the intensity of Arcanine's appearance, but
also the chaos caused by and desperation to subdue Mewtwo.
Along those lines, my only suggestion would be to include more
of the succinct, vivid imagery you've already shown us, like
here:
--- Quote ---
> . . . suspended in this was a large pokemon with distinct
feline features. It had pale grey skin, a long purple tail and
two blunt horns could be made out on its' head.
--- End Quote ---
[font=georgia][color=#5694EB] . . . to replace just a few of
your proper nouns and give your sentences a smidgen more
variety, i.e. "feline-like creature" or "exotic Pokemon" in
place of Mewtwo, "cheerily-attired scientist" for Blaine, and so
on. Other than that, everything looks fit as a fiddle and has
very much captured my attention! *Smiles with a bright round of
applause*
#Post#: 3549--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pokemon Legends Awakened - Book 1, The Kanto Saga Discussion
DIR By: Shadows
Date: August 9, 2013, 12:34 am
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Can't go into great detail like Aura xD but i really liked this.
Just...only thing that bugged me was when you referred
toArcanine as a "dog Pokemon" I think it would have been correct
to have used his species name "legendary Pokemon" but can see
why it would have caused confusion. Also, I'd like to help out
with these if you need me :P we've talked about Pokelore enough
xD
Keep up the great work buddy!
#Post#: 3550--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pokemon Legends Awakened - Book 1, The Kanto Saga Discussion
DIR By: TitanDragonLord
Date: August 9, 2013, 4:15 am
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Yeah, I didn't want to go round calling it a legendary pokemon
when the main premise of the stories is legendary Pokemon, I
thought 'dog like' was the best way I could capture Arcanine's
image. Thanks you two for the help ^^
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