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#Post#: 485--------------------------------------------------
Because it's still funny... The Things Runs-Like-Hell is No Long
er Allowed to Do in the Garou Nation
By: Kes Date: December 17, 2024, 1:11 am
---------------------------------------------------------
HTML http://web.archive.org/web/20080724211248/http://www.geocities.com/caliciac/runslikehell.html
1. Must not hump homid legs anymore.
2. Especially not Black Furies.
3. Must not sniff butts while in Homid anymore.
4. Especially not Black Furies.
5. No longer allowed to ask Wendigo or Uktena if I can bum some
Peyote.
6. Taking the Forgotten does not get rid of bills.
7. It is called Taking the Forgotten, not Taking the Supermodels
for a reason.
8. Just because the spirits gave me Open Seal does not mean I
have to use it on the Alpha's gown every moot.
9. Or the Beta's pants.
10. Just because the Ahroun can do it, doesn’t mean I can.
11. Not allowed to call Athros stupid, tainted, or smelly, even
if I'm right.
12. Must not prank other Rotagar.
13. Must not get caught pranking pack mates.
14. Leaving Barney dolls all over the Bawn isn't funny.
15. No longer allowed to use Trash Magnet on anyone from the
sept. Especially the Get of Fenris.
16. Create Element is not to be used as a cigarette lighter or
emergency shower.
17. Sense Hot Dog Vendor is not a Gaian gift!
18. There *is* such a thing as a Wyrm-tainted hot dog.
19. The Woman may have enjoyed being humped, but it is never
appropriate to do so in the middle of a Sept.
20. Especially not if the Woman belongs to the Silver Fangs.
21. Having Heightened Senses does not make me Daredevil. Even if
I'm blind.
22. Spirit of the Fray does not make me the Flash.
23. Mustn’t mark territory while in Homid.
24. A Gathering for the Departed is not required for a Chevy.
25. I can't scratch my left ear with my hind paw in Homid form.
Even if I am Double-Jointed.
26. Hazing is not part of a Rite of Passage.
27. The Silver Record is not an LP, and it is wrong to tell cubs
that it is.
28. The Litany is not an invocation to the Dark Powers, and it
is wrong to tell the cubs that it is.
29. Being in the Silver Pack does not entitle me to call myself
'Son of the Phoenix'. Even if my mother is named Jean Grey.
30. The proper suffix for someone of higher rank is -rhya, not
-doodyhead.
31. Even if their head is covered in faeces.
32. Mustn’t leave droppings in hats.
33. All the fire hydrants in the city have been marked; I don’t
need to do it again.
34. Just because the Glass Walkers' Totem is Cockroach, does not
mean they're dirty and unhygienic.
35. The local 7/11 is not my hunting ground.
36. Neither are Wal-Mart or Kroger.
37. I do not feel like Corax tonight, like Corax tonight.
38. There is no such thing as Were-Chicken.
39. Not allowed to tell the Corax that Were-Chicken is for
Dinner.
40. The Heap is a Bone Gnawer Totem, and should remain so.
41. A Grand Klaive is not to be used to trim my beard.
42. Fetishes are not made from Juju-fruits.
43. Mustn’t call the Corax Heckle or Jeckle.
44. Control Complex Machine does not work on planes, and I must
not test that.
45. Mustn’t dare cubs to step sideways while on an airplane.
46. Teaching small spirits to taunt the Theurge is cruel.
47. A medicine pouch must not necessarily contain a small amount
of Nexus Crawler faeces. And it is wrong to tell the cubs it
must.
48. Voice of the Jackal isn’t fun.
49. Must not refer to the Ahroun Metis as 'The Thing'.
50. No longer allowed to use Thieving Talons of the Magpie to
take candy from babies.
51. No longer allowed to use Voice of the Mimic during Moot.
52. Paws of the Newborn cub does not require me to cut off a
cub's paws.
53. No longer allowed to use any gifts during Moot.
54. {next week} No longer allowed to use gifts on Bawn.
55. Putting gum in the Prima Donna's hair is not funny.
56. Especially not in Crinos.
57. Mustn’t shave lupus elders while they sleep.
58. Mustn’t shave anyone while they sleep.
59. If I wake them in the process of shaving them, it still
counts.
60. There is no such thing as an Urge Wyrm of Cute.
61. Mustn’t summon anything larger than my paw.
62. Paw refers to lupus, not Crinos form.
63. Mustn't use Song of the Great Beast during Moot.
64. Nair does not make body soap, and it is wrong to tell the
lupus otherwise.
65. Metis are not filled with candy like pińatas.
66. Neither are Banes.
67. Nothing is filled with candy like a pińata except for
Pińatas.
68. Pińata spirits do not exist.
69. Black Furies may not be referred to as "Hot Momma's."
70. Mustn’t call Shadow Lords "Senator Palpatine."
71. Red Talons do not use fingernail polish.
72. "Wendigo" is not a Jamaican question.
73. Neither is "Uktena".
74. Mustn't call Silver Fangs 'King of the Hill.'
75. Children of Gaia are not all under the age of six.
76. Get of Fenris are not to be referred to as "Gophers"
77. I may call the Fianna "Micks" at my own peril.
78. "Dicing with the Dark One" does not refer to the Silent
Striders.
79. Black Spiral Dancer's don’t do disco.
80. Glass Walkers are not all nerds.
81. Bone Gnawers know they smell, and I shouldn’t remind them.
82. Nor should I use half a can of Axe body spray on one of
them.
83. Black Furies are not lesbians and I should not ask them
this.
84. Stargazers are not all Stoners.
85. Some Ahrouns can count to ten.
86. Ahrouns may not be referred to as 'cannon-fodder.'
87. Not all Galliards are alcoholic and I should not drive them
to drink just to test this.
88. Philodox do not charge an hourly rate.
89. Theurges are not fetish factories.
90. Not all Ragabash are stupid pranksters.
91. Just the good ones.
92. Some Lupus can count. And read. And write. Just not well,
and I shouldn't taunt them for it.
93. Metis are not Teddy bears.
94. The Shadow Lords are not Ninja.
95. Neither am I.
96. Knowing Kailindo does not entitle me to call cubs
'Grasshopper'.
97. The proper greeting towards a Get of Fenris is not 'Sieg
Heil!'
98. Jam Technology in an elevator is not funny.
99. Unless a cute Kinfolk is alone in there
100. Unless she is Get Kin.
101. Or a Black Fury Elder.
102. The Gift Inspiration does not refer to artistic pursuits.
103. Or sex.
104. Create Element doesn’t make Gold.
105. Or Platinum, plutonium, or anything else fun.
106. I may not rub the Lupus's belly to see if his leg will
twitch.
107. My nose is not wet in Crinos.
108. And I should not test that.
109. Going through trashcans does NOT substitute for hunting.
110. Unless you are a Bone Gnawer
111. There is no "secret Garou handshake."
112. There is no such thing as a Were-ET.
113. My name is not "Wolverine". The Wolverine is
a) a Totem, and
b) a comic book character.
114. Ahrouns do not appreciate my particular brand of humour, so
I should stop bleaching bulls-eyes in their fur.
115. Smoking dope does NOT make me see into the Umbra, and it is
wrong to tell the cubs it does.
116. Neither does PCP.
117. Heroin is Wyrm-tainted. And I should not test that.
118. The Fianna do not have any "lucky charms" and I should stop
asking about them.
119. Crucifixes do not ward off den mothers and I should not
test that.
120. Unless properly Awakened, wolfsbane does not ward off other
Garou, and I should not test that.
121. It is very bad manners to offer a Bastet mice or Catnip.
122. A fetish ring should not be referred to as 'my precious'.
123. Just because it followed me home doesn’t mean I get to keep
it.
124. Especially if I used a leash.
125. Or if it's clinging to my back with its claws, or howling
the Symphony of the Abyss.
126. Bastet do NOT hunt and eat Ratkin, and I should not tell
Ratkin that.
127. Neither should I tell the young Bastet this.
128. 'Bohemian Rhapsody' is not a proper Moot-song.
129. Unless it is a Stargazer moot.
130. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are not a pack of Mokolé
led by a Ratkin.
131. No matter what the Mokolé say.
132. Wolverine was not a Wendigo.
133. Wolverine isn't a Garou. Period.
134. Sabretooth isn't a Bastet. Period.
135. Canada is not to be referred to as "the northern latrine."
136. Nor as 'Canuckland'.
137. Airborne ops are not referred to as "Raining Cats and
Dogs."
138. Underground Ops are not referred to as 'Mole Hunting'.
139. Runs-Like-Hell isn't a proper Garou name. Even if I am a
coward.
140. Life is not like a box of chocolates. There is no paper
saying what is in the middle of every piece, and there is not
caramel filling.
141. Spirit of the Fray does not make me fast enough to attempt
a Matrix-style dodge.
142. I am not Neo.
143. Nor am I Li Mu Bai.
144. Wearing slabs of meat around my neck will not force the Red
Talons to be my friends.
145. Nor will spraying myself in animal musk.
146. Chain mail Bikinis are not the Black Fury uniform.
147. Kilts are not the Fianna uniform.
148. Not all Get are blond and I should not use bleach to make
them that way.
149. Not all Fianna are redheads and I should not use iodine to
make them that way.
150. Silver Fangs and "Just for men" Hair colour equals bad
combination.
151. Nuwisha are not Wile E. Coyote and I should stop taunting
them with roadrunners.
152. The Corax motto is not "Nevermore."
153. The Skin Dancers are not a tribe of strippers.
154. So I should stop waving singles at them.
155. I should stop calling every Mokolé I meet "Crocodile
Dundee"
156. Or "Littlefoot."
157. I should stop telling cubs that Mokolé were created by
humans cloning dinosaurs for a theme park attraction.
158. I should stop asking every Khan if he crouches.
159. And every Mokolé if he hides.
160. And I should stop asking both where the Green Destiny Sword
is.
161. Not allowed to trade pretty beads to the Wendigo for their
caerns
162. Don't piss on the possessed trees.
163. Telling the cubs that they need to hunt The Cow for a
special moot is wrong, and I should not tell them so. (Even if
it would be funny to watch)
164. 'Here doggie' is not a way to call Lupus.
165. I won't freeze if something impossible happens.
166. 'Howl at the Moon' is a bar and I shouldn't sit in front of
it and howl.
167. Don't see the Vet when you're in Homid.
168. Don't see the Vet when you're in Glabro.
169. Don't see the Vet when you're in Hispo.
170. The Vet can't see you when you're in Crinos.
171. Don't give the Ahrouns a 'full moon.'
172. Don't give the Philodox a 'half moon.'
173. All play and no work makes Runs-Like-Hell a bad puppy.
174. Not allowed to shave my entire Crinos body, put blue
temporary tattoos all over, paint my claws metallic silver, and
run around drooling, and telling the cubs I'm the First Ronin.
175. The First Ronin is not the sequel to The Last Samurai, and
I should not tell the cubs that it is.
176. I will not make up lyrics to the Beverly Hillbillies and
Gilligan's Island theme music.
177. And I will not teach them to clueless Galliards.
178. Especially right before Moots.
179. There is no such thing as Spanish Fly, and I will not
attempt to disprove this by locking up a Silver Fang and a Bone
Gnawer Kin in a closet with a bottle.
180. I will not refer to the Black Fury breeding project as "the
puppy mill".
181. I will not taunt Children of Gaia with the sexual
connotations of the unicorn legend.
182. I will not put Rokea Kinfolk in the Stargazer koi pond.
...continued
#Post#: 486--------------------------------------------------
Re: Because it's still funny... The Things Runs-Like-Hell is No
Longer Allowed to Do in the Garou Nation
By: Kes Date: December 17, 2024, 1:12 am
---------------------------------------------------------
183. I will not put Ratkin Kinfolk in hedge mazes with a bit
pile of Limburger cheese in the middle.
184. I will not announce the Rokea ambassador by making
"Dun-dun" noises.
185. I will not announce the Ratkin emissary by humming "It's a
Small World, After All".
186. I will not ask Corax if they are Original Recipe or Extra
Crispy.
187. I will not use Black Dog Games as a way of teaching the
cubs about the world.
188. I will not slip Viagra into the Galliard's food. Especially
not before a moot.
189. I will not call Mokolé "Draco".
190. I will not ask Mokolé to do a Sean Connery impression.
191. I will not ask Mokolé if they've found any of their Kinfolk
in the sewers yet.
192. I will not take the Ratkin on a snack food run to
O'Tolley's.
193. I will not sing the theme song to the old Spider-Man
cartoon in the presence of Ananasi.
194. I will not announce the arrival of Gurahl to the caern by
saying "Da Bears!"
195. TNT + Cartoon mice = Okay. TNT + Ratkin = Don't do it
again.
196. I will not invite Bastet and Ajaba over to watch the Lion
King on DVD.
197. I will not ask the Rokea which was the better movie, "Jaws"
or "Deep Blue Sea."
198. I will stop asking the Fianna to Riverdance.
199. I will not dye my fur green and stomp around the caern in
Crinos form, saying "Hulk Smash".
200. Nor will I dye the fur of any Ahrouns or Get of Fenris
green in an attempt to get the same result.
201. I will not dye the fur of Khan Kinfolk white and ship them
to Las Vegas.
202. I will not dye the fur of any members of the sept any
colour, for any reason, without expressed written consent of the
Sept Alpha.
203. I will not try to forge the signature of the Sept Alpha.
204. I will not tell the Shadow Lords that thunder is just the
noise and lightning does all the work.
205. I will not throw green flash powder into the caern fire.
206. I will not attempt to cook using the caern fire.
207. I will not ask the Glass Walkers how their Enron stock is
doing.
208. I will not tell the cubs that Grand Klaives are talens, and
are only good once.
209. I will not try to one up the Silver Fangs by claiming to be
a "Gold Fang".
210. "Because he changed into a wolf" is not a good excuse for
why you brought the vampire into the caern.
211. It's an even worse excuse if you brought a mage into the
caern.
212. Ananasi are not allergic to garlic.
213. Ananasi DO have reflections.
214. Must not try to stake the Ananasi.
215. Ananasi are NOT vampires and should not be compared to
them.
216. Must not try to photograph furry porn with a Bastet and a
Kitsune as subjects.
217. Even if they're game for it.
218. Must not ask Glass Walkers to rebuild me.
219. Must not remind them that they have the technology.
220. Must not quote any lines from the 6-Million Dollar Man in
the presence of Glass Walkers.
221. No matter how obscure.
222. Not allowed to quote from the Bionic Woman. Ever.
223. I will not roll around in dead things - no matter how
enticingly bad they smell.
224. I will not trick the dogcatcher into chasing me around a
corner while I'm in lupus form and then surprise them in Crinos
form.
225. I will not push the dogcatcher truck over on its side.
226. I will not go in Old Mrs. Kettlemyer’s Prize winning rose
bush.
227. Not even in lupus form.
228. I will not ask Silent Striders if they've got sand in
uncomfortable places.
229. I will not clean my own genitals with my tongue - well, at
least not during a moot.
230. If seen kicking up grass with my back legs I will not smile
proudly and expect a treat.
231. Especially if it was in the Bawn or Caern.
232. I will not bug the Keeper of the Land about mowing the
grass.
233. I will not sing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" to a
Simba to see if he gets pissed off.
234. I will not bug the Simba to find out where Scar is and what
he is up to these days.
235. I will never attempt to play matchmaker in any sept.
236. I will not drug or intoxicate a Sept leader to accomplish
anything on this list.
237. I will not lead a dogcatcher into a Bone Gnawer Moot.
238. "Stop humping my leg" is NOT an invitation to start humping
a different piece of anatomy.
239. I will not tell Bone Gnawer cubs that when they get out of
adolescence, they'll get "fixed".
240. I will not teach cubs that if you play Barry Manilow tunes
backwards, you can hear the BSD Litany.
241. Even if it is true.
242. A Moon Bridge is not a punishment rite in which the
offender must walk naked across Golden Gate, and I will not
teach the cubs that it is.
243. I will not refer to eating humans as "The Garou Nation
Atkins Diet".
244. Baked beans, consumed in large quantities, do not "cleanse
you of Wyrm toxins", and I will not tell the Lupus otherwise.
245. I will not open Moots by singing, "Let's all go to the
Ba-awn, let's all go to the Ba-awn, let's got the Ba-awn, and
get ourselves a Gift".
246. Nor will I teach cubs to do it for me.
247. I will not paint "Property of the Get of Fenris" on the fur
of Black Furies.
248. Nor will I paint "Property of the Black Furies" on the fur
Get of Fenris.
249. I will not sing "Bare Necessities" in the presence of
Gurahl.
250. I will not refer to Gurahl as "Smokey" "Baloo" or any other
names that I have heard cartoon bears called.
251. I will not ask Black Furies whether it is more traditional
to have the Lesbian orgy before or after the moot.
252. Even if I really want to know.
253. And I don't mind her hitting me.
254. Because they won't let me bring a camera anyway.
255. I will not ask Children of Gaia if I can bum some weed off
of them.
256. Gaia is not to be referred to as "Big Momma."
257. Nor is Luna.
258. I will not even think the phrase "A woman's place" in the
presence of Black Furies.
259. Or the Valkyries of Freya.
260. And if I do, it definitely must not be followed by "is at
home, barefoot, and pregnant."
261. "Bark at the Moon" "Of Wolf and Man" and "Hungry Like the
Wolf" are not appropriate music for moots.
262. I will not say the word "dog" anywhere remotely near a Red
Talon.
263. "Puppy", "Fluffy", "Fido", "Rover" and "Spot" are also out
of the question.
264. Nor shall I mention casinos around Wendigo.
265. Asking Bone Gnawers if they have change for a 20 is not
funny.
266. I will not bikini-wax the lupus.
267. The Sept Alpha's shoes are not my territory, and I will not
mark them as such.
268. Neither is the Glass Walker's computer.
269. I will not give Fianna leaflets for AA.
270. Milk bones are not good Christmas presents for other Garou.
271. Corax do not taste like chicken. I will not test this.
272. I will not try to serve Rokea Shark-fin soup.
273. I will not invite Kitsune to go foxhunting.
274. Bear-baiting is not an appropriate form of entertainment at
any function that will be attended by Gurahl.
275. I will not attempt to chase Bastet up trees.
276. I will not offer bags of kitty litter to Bastet In case of
accidents.
277. I will not offer used kitty littler to Uktena saying a
Bastet left a hidden treasure in there that no one was supposed
to find.
278. Asking Wendigo to get you some cheap smokes is not
appropriate during a moot.
279. Handing out photocopies of my butt with the phrase "Have
you seen this....*in tiny letters*dog" is not funny, regardless
of how many Ragabash laugh.
280. Using photocopies of others is likewise not funny.
281. Regardless of form.
282. I will not tell the young shamans that to properly complete
a ritual and make the spirits happy, they need to do White Boy
Dances (e.g. the lawnmower, the water sprinkler, the weed eater,
etc.)
283. I must not offer betting odds to onlookers at pack alpha
challenges.
284. Especially not when it's the challenge for my pack's alpha.
285. I will not randomly introduce Rokea as "loan shark", "card
shark" or "pool shark".
286. Nor will I expect the Ahroun to protect me when the Rokea
find out.
287. I should not say, "Wonder how many shoes I can get out of
him" in the hearing of a Mokolé.
288. Same goes for belts and handbags.
289. I can't ask them how many humans they've eaten today.
290. I should not make any Jurassic park jokes around them,
either.
291. I should not expect the Ahrouns to help me if I do insult
the raging dino-dragon-shifter.
292. I will not sing "Smooth Criminal" while the Glass Walker is
crossing a Moon Bridge.
293. I will not ask sept members of the opposite sex if they
want to “make Metis.”
294. Especially if they’re Black Furies.
295. I will not refer to Albino Metis as Michael Jackson.
296. I will not refer to Blind Metis as Daredevil.
297. I will not ask Hunchback Metis to say “Yes Master.”
298. I will not fart in the face of Metis that have no sense of
smell.
299. I will not call Metis with Seizures “Shakey.”
300. I will not teach Deaf Metis obscene gestures under the
pretence of teaching them sign language.
301. “Being possessed by Ancestor spirits” is not an acceptable
excuse for my bad behaviour.
302. I will not inflict severe injuries to “sensitive” areas of
my person and then ask people to use Mother’s Touch on them.
303. Especially not Black Furies.
304. I will not use Truth of Gaia on people while I’m asking
them out on dates.
305. I will not say “Snikt!” while activating Razor Claws.
306. I will not instruct cubs that to accurately perform the
Rite of the Fetish, one must dress in tight black leather or
vinyl.
307. I will not pester the Corax to say "Nevermore".
308. I will not tell lupus cubs that "Fuck you" is the proper
way to greet other people in homid.
309. Nor any other form of profanity.
310. And also not for any other useful phrases they might need.
311. I will not sing the "Mickey Mouse" song to introduce
Ratkin.
312. I will not try to trade my alpha's Klaive to a Fianna for
some of their booze.
313. It is wrong to open a concession stand before or during
challenges.
314. It is equally wrong to offer the same snacks for free.
315. It is wrong to announce 'Aaannnd in this corner --' before
challenges.
316. Even if the Ritemaster didn't catch me. And I must not test
this.
317. The local dog-pound is not an acceptable place to 'foster
out' Metis cubs. And I must not tell cubs this.
318. Or train young Ragabash, or anyone else, to tell them this.
319. It is wrong to tell cubs that Unicorn will abandon Children
of Gaia who lose their virginity. And I must not teach cubs to
tell them this.
320. Filling my pockets with bacon is not an acceptable way to
court lupus Kinfolk. And I must not tell cubs that it is.
321. I must not try and be a 'dog-burglar.'
322. Or ask Bastet if they are cat burglars.
323. I will not let others make lists of behaviour for me.
324. Even the Philodox.
325. I must eat any list they make for me.
326. I must not tell the cubs that I'm eating paper for 'fibre.'
327. Even if it's true.
328. Road kill it not human food.
329. I must not tell the Lupus or Metis it is.
330. Even if some humans eat it.
331. I will not enrol Red Talons in obedience school.
332. I should not challenge for pack alpha just to worry the
rest of my pack.
333. Crinos form is not to be used as a Halloween costume.
334. Giving 'Hispo rides' to mortal children is not a good way
to make money, and I should not tell the cubs that it is.
335. I must not wax other Garou while they sleep.
336. Especially not Black Furies.
337. And I must not laugh at the result.
338. Even if it does look funny.
339. Just because I saw something on TV does not mean I should
do it.
340. Especially if I saw it in a cartoon or anime.
341. I will not sing "Wild Thing" when the Theurge is trying to
summon a Wyldling.
342. I will not bleach and colour Child of Gaia fur so that it
is Tie Dyed.
343. I will not use any type of red hair colouring on Red Talons
so they all are red.
344. I will not raid a museum and steal a dinosaur exhibit so
the Bone Gnawers can have something special for Christmas.
345. While giving telescopes to Stargazers is a nice gesture,
taking them a week later and replacing the lenses with a
kaleidoscope is not funny.
346. Stealing the telescopes from the Glass Walkers is also not
funny.
347. I will not give Wendigo turtle shell ashtrays for
Christmas.
348. I will not ask the Elder Black Fury about a possible
look-a-like on a dominatrix website. Doing such will just
shorten my life span.
349. I will not file down the Get of Fenris's claws so he can't
claw me to death for making Nazi jokes.
350. I will not give Red Talons chunky peanut butter for the
express purpose of watching them eat it.
351. I will not ever steal the Fianna booze and replace with
water or coffee.
352. I will not bind spirits into sex-toys as a "double-fetish".
353. Not even if they're okay with it.
354. I will not chase after girls dressed as Little Red Riding
Hood on Halloween.
355. I will not suggest that Fianna dress in pointy hats and
shoes at Christmas, "because they're half-elf, already".
356. I will be far, far from the Caern every April First.
357. Even if I have a good reason for being there.
358. I will not ask the Glass Walker Theurge to awaken the
spirit of the Viagra that I'm not allowed to slip into anyone's
food, anyway.
359. I will not use any methods to tape a "Black Furies Gone
Wyld" video.
360. I will not celebrate St. Patrick's Day by slipping the
Fianna something to turn their urine green.
361. When Summoning an Electrical Elemental I will not yell
"Pikachu, I choose YOU!"
362. A Freakachu is not a Pikachu, and they don't enjoy the
comparison.
363. I will not refer to Master of the Challenge as Judge Judy.
364. Even if she is a Judge and named Judy.
365. I will not put fire elementals in my chilli to spice it up.
366. I will not cook.
...continued
#Post#: 487--------------------------------------------------
Re: Because it's still funny... The Things Runs-Like-Hell is No
Longer Allowed to Do in the Garou Nation
By: Kes Date: December 17, 2024, 1:13 am
---------------------------------------------------------
367. Not allowed to own any device used for recording images.
368. If I should end up having one, I must not post any pictures
I take on the Digital Web.
369. Especially if those pictures contain sept elders.
370. Must never, under any circumstances, call a Black Fury a
Black furry.
371. Doing so will get me killed... Or worse. Must never ever
test this.
372. Not allowed near the power tools. Ever. Must not ask to use
them.
373. Must never ask Sept Blacksmith to make chain mail bikini.
Not allowed near shop anyways.
374. Must never offer to cut cards. Must never use knife or saw
to do so.
375. Must never substitute Unicron for Unicorn when speaking to
Children of Gaia.
376. Will not bring stuffed animals into sept.
377. Will not surreptitiously give phone numbers of werewolves
to people who "are into furries."
378. Will not surreptitiously give phone numbers of werewolves
to people who allergies to animal hair.
379. Will not try to talk White Wolf developers and writers into
doing whole "Time of Judgement" thing as it is a bummer to end
the line.
380. Will not refer to Corax as "Bothans", regardless of how
many "died to bring us this information".
381. Will not refer to the Thunderwyrms as Graboids.
382. I must not call Bastet 'Mister Mistopheles.'
383. Or Rum-Tum-Tugger, or the name of any other 'Cats'
character.
384. I must not suggest that the Bastet put on a performance of
'Cats.'
385. Andrew Lloyd Webber is not Bastet Kinfolk.
386. Andrew Lloyd Webber has nothing to do with the Fera. Any of
them. At all.
387. I must not call facially disfigured Metis 'The Phantom of
the Opera.'
388. And I must not give them a white mask that covers half of
their face.
389. Or ask them to sing 'Music of the Night.'
390. I must not ask any Bagheera, Gurahl or Khan if they know
how Mowgli is doing.
391. If I'm not allowed to do it, then I'm not allowed to teach
the cubs to do it.
392. Or ask someone else to teach the cubs for me.
393. I'm not allowed to teach anyone else to do it.
394. "The First Ronin" is not an acceptable Halloween costume.
395. I will not ask a member of the Red Talons to have some
human compassion.
396. I will not proposition a Black Fury.
397. I will not throw a tennis ball to a Get of Fenris.
398. If I find a Mokolé in the sleep of the Dragon, I will not
dress up as an ape-man, shake him awake and say, "Human, explain
yourself."
399. Nor will I dress up as a robot, wake him up and say,
"Identify yourself, organic biped, or face termination."
400. I won't wake up the Mokolé with any sci-fi reference, no
matter how obscure.
401. I will not call the very large and ugly Metis Ratkin "Ben."
402. I will not train any Ratkin rodens Kinfolk to be my army of
vengeful rodents and chew up people’s tires and crash their
parties.
403. Despite their totemic alliance, I will not call any Bone
Gnawers Willard. Even if I know one that is psychotic and lives
with his mother.
404. I will not asked the skinny one to say, "zoink."
405. Method not allowed.
406. I will not shut a Bastet in a box as part of a
Schrödinger’s Cat experiment so that he is neither dead nor
alive until the box is opened.
407. I will not then dare cubs to open the box.
408. If there are two Ratkin hanging around at night, I will not
ask them if they Pinky and the Brain.
409. I will not ask them if they are trying to take over the
world.
410. Must never make anime references around Hengeyokai.
411. Especially references to Dragonball Z...
412. A Klaive is not to be used as a toy.
413. Or a kitchen knife.
414. It is not to be referred to as a Ginsu. It is wrong to
teach the cubs to call it that.
415. The other Fera are not Pokémon. I don't have to catch them
all.
416. I will not ask Ratkin if they are pondering what I'm
pondering.
417. I will not ask Ratkin to say "Point," "Narf" or "Egad".
418. I will not call Ratkin "Mickey" or "Minnie".
419. The clothing store, Weaver's, is not the stronghold of the
Spider Queen.
420. And the mannequins are not Drones on guard duty.
421. Warren Zephon was not singing about English Veil-breakers.
422. I will not tell the cubs that the local Gurahl stole their
"pic-uh-nic" basket.
423. "Klaive" is not an all-powerful choice for Paper, Rock,
Scissors.
424. Especially if it's a real Klaive.
425. Must not ask Chimera if he/she was schooled in Freud or
Jung.
426. Awakened notebooks will not teach the Gift "Fatal
Papercut."
427. The Stargazers did not leave because "the Garou Nation's
Kung-Fu was not mighty enough."
428. Charlotte's Web is not about Ananasi and Grondr.
429. I will not call Ratkin "Templeton."
430. I will not sing "Kung-Fu Fighting" in the presence of
Stargazers.
432. Black Tooth and the Endless Storm were not inspired by
Thundercats and I will not tell the cubs such.
432. A Silver Hakarr is not the Sword of Omens and the Bastet do
not know the secret of the Eye of Thundera.
433. King Kong is not proof were-apes exist.
434. I will not tell cubs who call my bluff to go ask the Mokolé
to prove it.
435. I will not use solar flares knocking out communication
satellites in the midst of geomagnetic storms as an excuse to
get Glass Walkers to restart the War of Rage on Mokolé.
436. Or Corax.
437. Nor will I tell Glass Walker cubs it's a message from
Helios demanding they repent their urrah ways or die.
438. I will not tell the Red Talons this either.
439. I will not offer the visiting Khan dignitary some of
Momma's Home-cooked Secret Recipe Lemon Grass Soup Wots
Guaranteed To Help Those Hairballs Stay Down.
440. I will not offer any Bastet this soup.
441. I will not tell Strider cubs "Respect Another's Territory"
means they can only enter the bawn if they first take the Elders
to the Strider Homeland.
442. I will not tell cubs that coyote-culling on farmland is
Coyote's way of keeping his children on the ball and therefore a
good form of chiminage.
443. Especially when the caern is built over an old Kiba.
444. I must not shout the names of my attacks and Gifts before
using them. It is stupid and wrong to do this.
445. It is wrong to call my mentor Master Roshi, even if he is a
dirty old man.
446. It is wrong to hold my weapon over my head and shout “By
the power of Grey Skull, I have the power" before shifting to
Crinos. It is wrong to teach the cubs to do this.
447. I am no longer to make "All your base" references.
448. I am no longer allowed to play Zero Wing or any other
electronic game, except Tetris.
449. The Garou are not ninjas. We do not "flip out and kill
stuff for no reason". It is wrong to teach the cubs this.
450. I will not ask Theurges if they "cast the spells that make
the people fall down."
451. I will not offer to make Sword-chucks for the Ahroun. I
will not teach cubs to do this.
452. In general I will not teach cubs anything without at least
2 Philodox present.
453. I will not drug the Philodox.
454. I will not have others drug the Philodox.
455. Just because I see something on the Net, that does not make
it true.
456. This also applies to the radio, television, and newspaper.
457. Especially anime and manga.
458. I will not refer to the Sept as "The Addams Family".
459. My pack alpha is not to be called "Cousin It." Even if he
is extremely hairy in all of his forms.
460. Garou are not "Fuzzy superheros". It is wrong to teach this
to the cubs.
461. It is wrong to call the Garou Nation "The Just Us League".
It is also wrong to teach the cubs to do so.
9462. I will not screw with numbering systems.
463. I will not teach the cubs that pissing on an electricity
spirit is a part of their Rite of Passage.
464. It is wrong to ask an old Stargazer or Hakken if he is
Master Li Kao.
465. It is also wrong to ask any Stargazer or Hakken if he/she
has "a slight flaw" in their character.
466. And I must not teach the cubs (or anyone else) to do so.
467. I will not start a bar-fight just to show off my awesome
tricks. I will not teach cubs to do so.
468. I will not enter bar or tavern and say "Hey y'all, watch
this" and change into Crinos. I will not tell cubs to do so.
469. I will not shift to Lupus when someone says "change for a
dollar." I will not teach cubs to do so.
470. I will not tell Ahroun that my Kung-Fu is mightier; doing
so will just get me killed.
471. I will not tell Red Talons that computer mother boards are
ways of harnessing Gaia's power.
472. I will not send electricity spirits to fry Glass Walker
mother boards. I will not teach cubs to do so.
473. I am not allowed to talk to electricity spirits.
474. Even if they come to me.
475. I will not send pain spirits to torment my Alpha right
before a "critical battle."
476. I will not talk to pain spirits at all.
477. Even if they come to me.
478. I will not send spirits to make Fianna feel as if they have
a hang-over before the drinking starts.
479. Or after the drinking starts.
480. Or when they're already hung-over.
481. Or when they should already be hung-over.
482. I shall not sedate my Ahroun pack alpha and wake him up at
next solar eclipse saying he slept through the Apocalypse.
483. A Rokea on whiskey is mighty risky, but a Rokea on beer is
a beer engineer!
484. I will not ask the Mokolé for his "dragonballs."
485. Or his "power pole."
486. I will not speak to the Mokolé.
487. Must not whistle the theme of "The Godfather" when Glass
Walker elders come to the sept. It is wrong to teach the cubs to
do this.
488. Even if the elder likes the Godfather.
489. Especially if he is a godfather.
490. It is wrong to use quotes from sailor moon before shifting
forms or entering combat. It is wrong to tell the cubs to do so.
491. Even if I am fight on Luna's behalf.
492. It is unbefitting for Gaia's warriors to wear sailor suits.
493. In any form.
494. Especially Crinos.
495. It is wrong to try to convince the cubs to do so.
496. Claiming Scooby Doo as my totem is not an acceptable excuse
for cowardice.
497. I will not call Midget Metis "Scrappy Doo."
498. "Da Da Da Da Da Da, Puppy Power!" is not an appropriate
battle cry.
499. "Eep," "meow," and other shows of weakness are also not
appropriate battle cries.
500. I will not introduce the local Ratkin to my pet cats.
501. I will not try to pull tricks on other Ragabash just to see
if they find it funny.
502. Nor will I do it just to be evil.
503. I will not pull tricks on other Ragabash at all.
504. Even when their pack mates ask me to.
505. Or when their Sept leader asks me to.
506. Or when a spirit asks me to.
507. Or when I have a dream about Gaia in which someone asks me
to.
508. I am not allowed to be in the same room with other Ragabash
while they sleep.
509. I am not allowed to drug their guards.
510. I am not allowed to as others to drug their guards for me.
511. I am not allowed to use a Bane skin to fool the sept
spirits into thinking the Wyrm is attacking just to see who can
howl the Anthem of War the loudest.
512. Claiming I am investigating whether Garou with Battlescars
to their neck are viable caern guardians is not an acceptable
defence for this behaviour.
513. Aesop was not a Garou. Claiming his Ancestor Spirit
possessed me to do it is also not an acceptable excuse.
514. I am not allowed to peek out of the Umbra into women's
dressing rooms.
515. I am not allowed to step sideways using the reflection off
a urinal.
516. Not even if I'm drunk.
517. Or if the guy next to me is even drunker.
518. I won't offer cubs drinks as the "hair of the dog that bit
you" after their first change
519. Even if they're Fianna.
520. I won't tell cubs that the First Change is what you get
back from a $20.
521. Or that it only happens near cash registers.
522. I won't dare cubs to step into the Umbra using the rear
view mirror while driving on the highway.
523. Especially not if they're driving.
524. Not even if we're driving over a newly built bridge.
525. Or through a newly completed tunnel.
526. Must not terrorize Old Mrs. Kettlemyer's cat.
527. Even if Fluffy did start it.
528. Small yap dogs and wood chippers are not a good
combination.
529. Even if the yap dog is annoying.
530. Not allowed to spray-paint graffiti on peoples' cars.
531. In broad daylight.
532. In the middle of downtown.
533. In Crinos.
534. Must not tell the cubs to do so.
535. Not allowed to buy spray-paint.
536. Must not try to get the cubs to buy spray-paint for me.
537. Not allowed to have spray-paint ever, regardless of where
it came from.
538. Not allowed to have straws anymore.
539. I am not allowed to converse with the local Hunters.
540. Even if I knew him/her prior to my Change.
541. I will not send cubs to relay my messages for me.
542. I will not speak to the cubs without an Ahroun present.
543. I will not trick the Ahroun into carrying the message for
me.
544. I will not get others to trick the Ahroun into carrying the
message for me.
545. I'm no longer allowed to speak to Ahroun at all.
546. I will not sneak over the moon bridges without the
permission of the Sept elder.
547. I will not drug the Sept elder.
548. Toilet seats are not appropriate items to turn into fetish
weapons.
549. Even if the spirit being bound is a Dung spirit.
550. No longer allowed to create fetishes.
...continued
#Post#: 488--------------------------------------------------
Re: Because it's still funny... The Things Runs-Like-Hell is No
Longer Allowed to Do in the Garou Nation
By: Kes Date: December 17, 2024, 1:14 am
---------------------------------------------------------
551. Or talons.
552. Not allowed to give suggestions to Theurge cubs.
553. Not allowed to speak to Theurge cubs.
554. Not allowed to speak to any Theurge, regardless of age. Or
rank.
555. Ratkin do not wield the Power of Cheese. Even if one tells
you so.
556. Not allowed to tell the cubs that Ratkin wield the Power of
Cheese.
557. Must not trick cubs into trying to "bring back the
Howlers."
558. Must not trick cubs into asking a certain Mr. Skemp about
"bringing back the Howlers."
559. Must not make magic electric shavers that chase Garou
around and shave swaths of them down to the skin.
560. Night Scream from Transformers is not a Camazotz
561. I am not to make Transmetal jokes about people using the
gift Brazen Bull.
562. I am not allowed to watch Transformers.
563. I am not allowed to watch TV Period.
564. Mokolé are not Dinobots, even if they do look like raptors.
565. And they are not Megatron, either, even if they are T-Rex's
or dragons and talk to themselves.
566. I do not have a minicon, and not being able to find it is
not an excuse for cowardice.
567. "Going on a spirit quest" does NOT mean to go on a "Beer
run", and I must not tell the cubs that it is.
568. The Garou are not Autobots. It is wrong to tell the cubs
otherwise.
569. Even if something is not on the list, that doesn't mean I
can do it.
570. No longer allowed near sporting goods stores.
571. Going for drive through does not require that the car be
rammed into the front of the building.
572. Must not call female lupus "Lassie".
573. Especially Bone Gnawers and Black Furies.
574. Must not teach the cubs to do so.
575. Rat trap is not a Ratkin engineer.
576. I will not dare Silent Strider cubs to enter Egypt. I will
not teach the cubs to do so.
577. I will not speak to Striders without at least one Ahroun
and two Philodox present.
578. I will not drug them.
579. I will not get anyone else to drug them.
580. I will not speak to Striders at all.
581. I will not say "run, Forrest, run" when in the presence of
a Strider.
582. I will not make obscure movie references at all.
583. I'm not allowed to watch movies.
584. Especially werewolf movies.
585. I will not tell the Red Talons that Ahadi is Egyptian for
Gaia.
586. Or Wyld.
587. Or Weaver.
588. Or Wyrm.
589. I will not make references to any of these beings around
the Talons. I will not teach cubs to do so.
590. I will not speak to the Talons.
591. I will not try and convince a Rokea to sink a ship with a
Ratkin on.
592. I will not ask a two-tails Kitsune where sonic is.
593. I will not ask any Kitsune where Sonic is.
594. I will not speak to the Kitsune
595. I will not ask a Zhong-Lung why he lets those men stick the
head up his arse at the Chinese New Year
596. I will not ask a Stargazer what the sound of one paw
clapping sounds like.
597. I will not speak to any of the Hengeyokai
598. I will not ask a Ratkin if they Finger Mouse.
599. I will not dress a sleeping Gurahl in tartan trousers and
red shirt
600. I will not dress a sleeping Gurahl full stop
601. Even if they are naked and shivering.
602. I will not paint a Bastet purple and call it Custard.
603. I will not paint a Bastet any colour or call it anything
604. I will not convince BBC2 to fill a period drama where I
know a Mokolé takes his daily jog.
605. I will not convince the BBC to film an episode or Red Dwarf
there either.
606. I will not tell the cubs that the Cat was a Bastet.
607. Nor will I suggest this to a Bastet.
608. I will not see if there is enough room to swing a Bastet by
the tail.
609. I will not try under any circumstances ever at all to even
think about meeting let alone talking to a Nuwisha
610. I will not try and find out if Kitsune become a pillar of
fire when embraced
611. I will not offer a penny for a Mokolé’s thoughts. thoughts.
612. I will not speak to the Mokolé. Ever.
613. I will not talk about Fight flub.
614. I will not be unpredictable
615. Or predictable.
616. I will not set up a Fera Fight flub
617. I will not make a Zhong Lung porn film called Enter the
Dragon
618. I will not make any films.
619. Even home movies
620. I will not become a famous singer and invite MTV to film
cribs in my Caern
621. The Biker Mice from Mars were not Ratkin.
622. I will not tell the cubs to go trick-or-treating in Crinos.
623. People being out of chocolate when trick-or-treating is not
a good excuse for frenzy.
624. I will not complain about being hung over after attending a
Fianna Moot.
625. Especially if I'm under age.
626. And not invited.
627. I will not boo or heckle the Galliards... Even if they
can't sing very well. Must not tell the cubs to do this.
628. The Ahrouns will not protect me from any Galliards I piss
off as a result of my heckling. I must not test this.
629. I have no excuse for not doing my share of the work around
the caern.
630. The cubs are not my lackeys. I must not tell them to do
anything for me that I can do for myself.
631. Not allowed to have hand powered drills.
632. Not allowed to draw moustaches on pictures of other sept
members. Especially the elders. Must not tell the cubs to do
this.
633. I will not ask the Ratkin if they're pondering what I'm
pondering. I will not tell the cubs that it is fun to do this.
634. I am not allowed to ask the Mokolé if the Camazotz wore
camp purple capes and fought clowns
635. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Beebop from the
turtles was a Grondr
636. Or a Skull Pig.
637. Nor am I allowed to tell them that there is a tribe of
penguin shifters and that they carry fetish umbrellas.
638. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Selina Kyle is a
Bastet.
639. I am not allowed to tell the cubs anything about the Fera.
640. I am not allowed to tell the Fera about the cubs.
641. I am not allowed to talk to the Fera.
642. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Wolverine is a
Gangrel.
643. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Martin Luther King
was a Brujah.
644. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Bill Gates is a
Ventrue. Even if he is.
645. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Harry Potter is a
Tremere.
646. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that Hannibal Lector is a
Malkavian
647. I am not allowed to know the names of the vampire clans.
648. I am not allowed to tell the Fianna cubs that Tufty was a
Pooka
649. I am not allowed to mention any Awakened creatures to the
cubs.
650. I am to talk not in Yoda like manner.
651. I am not allowed to tell the cubs that upon reaching the
rank of elder they will be able to use the force.
652. I am not allowed to take the Kinfolk kids to O'Tolleys for
their birthday.
653. Or Christmas.
654. I am not allowed to take the Kinfolk kids anywhere ever.
655. l not spit off the moon bridge in an effort to hit
"Traffic"
656. l not pee off the moon bridge.
657. Or ANY bridge
658. I will no approach near the edge of any bridge.
659. I will not moon a Lune.
660. If I do moon a Lune, I will certainly not make my butt talk
like "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective", and give the Lune orders.
661. I will not moon Phoebe.
662. I will not make my butt talk to Phoebe, use it to call her
a 'pimply, craterous slut' and try to get her to give up 'My
rightful Territory'
663. I attempt to get out of trouble caused by my ass by
claiming 'it has a mind of its own.' My ass is not sentient
664. No one else has a sentient ass, I will not test this.
665. Barney the Dinosaur is not a purple Mokolé and it is wrong
to tell the cubs otherwise.
666. I am not the Anti-Christ. No matter how badly I behave.
Must not tell the cubs that I am.
667. No longer allowed to drop pants for anything other than
crapping.
668. No longer allowed to drop pants. Period.
669. Savage Genitalia is nothing to aspire to.
670. I am not allowed to belch the silver record.
671. I am not allowed to make up my own stories and say they are
part of the Record.
672. I will not tell young Galliards that the Silver Record is
something they can earn when they sell enough albums.
673. Not allowed to tell Hunters all I know about Garou Nation.
674. Nor the other Fera.
675. Even if I tell lies.
676. No longer allowed on Hunter-net.org
677. Especially if their "Totems" made you do it.
678. Not allowed to sing "Insane in the Membrane" around Silver
Fangs.
679. Even if they are.
680. Especially if they are.
681. I am to kill Black Spiral Ragabash's, not challenge them to
a game of Pokémon.
682. I must not take marshmallows along on the ‘rescue the
Kitsune from the vampires’ mission.
683. Trick Shot does not make me James Bond.
684. Nor does it make me Austin Powers.
685. The Glass Walker Theurge is not Q.
687. Not even if he makes me a laser watch.
688. And he does not have rockets that I can fire from the boot
of my BMW.
689. I do not have a BMW. Nor am I allowed to steal one.
689. I am not allowed to drive.
690. I will not sing 'Ding-Dong, the Witch is dead' when the
Black Fury elder dies.
691. Even if a house fell on her.
692. Or if I'd seen her leading their desturbing rites.
693. I will not leak the secrets of Black Fury rites to the
Corax.
694. I will not refure to the dead Black Fury elder's fetish
shoes as 'The Ruby Slippers'
695. I will not cackle in conversations about the dead Black
Fury Elder.
696. I will not refer to the female Uktena Theurge as 'the good
witch'
697. Even if she dropped the house on the Black Fury elder.
698. I will not call the black fury elder's sister 'the wicked
witch of the West'
699. Even if she's from Texas.
700. Or if she wants her sister's ruby slippers back- I mean the
Fetish shoes.
701. 'Cause I found them first, and the Bitch can't have 'em!
702. I will not refure to the short Metis as 'Toto'
703. It is inappropriate to frolic and skip into combat.
704. A white and light-blue dress is not appropriate clothing to
wear to a moot.
705. I will not refure to the inbred Silver Fang as 'the
cowardly lion'.
706. I will not call the kinfolk Son of Ether as 'the Wizard of
Oz'
707. I will not splash water on the Black Fury Elder's sister in
an attempt to get her to melt.
708. I will not lace the water with acid.
709. When given boring chores around the caern, I will not click
my fetish shoes together and say 'there's no place like home,
there's no place like home...'
710. Even if the shoe's power is to take me to Kansas.
711. I'm no longer allowed to watch 'The wizard of Oz' or make
references to it.
712. Just because their is a Gaian totem called the American
Dream does not mean there is a Wyrm totem called the Red Menace.
713. I will not sing dirty songs and say they are from the
"Silver 8-Track"
714. I will not sing ‘I Will Survive’ in the presence of Rokea.
715. I will not ask Uktena, "What have I got in my pocket?"
716. I will not run up and hug random strangers on the street,
proclaiming, "I LOVE YOU, OLD MAN MANYSKINS!!!!"
717. If and when I violate the "running and hugging" rule, I
must not be in Crinos form.
718. I will not walk the Spiral while doing the Safety Dance.
719. I will not attempt to call a thunderwyrm and ride it.
720. I will not rejoice at Wyrmsign, it is never good.
721. I am not the God-Emperor of anything, and I will not tell
the cubs that I am.
722. My name is not a killing word.
723. I will not teach Red Talon cubs that the Litany starts with
"You do not know pain, you do not know fear, you will taste Man
Flesh!"
724. I will not tell young Ratkin that yelling out "Rattrap
Maximize!" with a Brooklyn accent speeds up shifting forms.
725. I will not use Cateyes to make my eyes glow and run around
the caern saying I have been saturated with Spice.
726. Bart Simpson is not my personal totem.
Bart Simpson is not my personal totem.
Bart Simpson is not my personal totem.
Bart Simpson is not my personal totem.
727. I will not push my car to the caern so I can use Open Seal
on it if I lock my keys in the car...nor will I do this to other
people's cars.
728. Yoda not my totem is.
729. My totem is not the Easter Bunny.
730. Grenades are not Easter eggs, and I should not hide them.
731. I am no longer allowed to wear bunny ears while in Crinos
and hop around the caern giving people Easter Eggs.
732. Easter is not when Jesus comes back to life as a bunny with
eggs, and I should not tell the lupus cubs this.
...and finally ended.
*****************************************************