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#Post#: 104--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes and Funny Pictures !!!
By: LViroj Date: September 16, 2018, 9:33 pm
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Floating Palakit ???
[IMG]
HTML http://i56.tinypic.com/ka4rvr.jpg[/img]
#Post#: 109--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes and Funny Pictures !!!
By: LViroj Date: September 18, 2018, 8:57 pm
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A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to
the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known
you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs.
You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains
to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the
defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since
he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents.
And he,too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy,
bigoted, he has a drinking problem.
The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his
law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I
know him."
At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and
called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he
said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me,
you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!"
#Post#: 110--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes and Funny Pictures !!!
By: LViroj Date: September 18, 2018, 8:58 pm
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The Bengs business venture
There were 4 Ah Bengs. They decided to start a business.
They decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of
car servicing equipment and manpower. The 4 Ah Bengs waited that
day for the car to arrive but no car entered their garage.
They waited for 1 day,2 days, a week for the car to arrive
but no car came to their garage. WHY? Because their garage was
on the second floor.
After this failure they decided to try good old taxi
driving. They bought a new London Cab & began to look for
passengers. They drove past Orchard Road but nobody hailed their
taxi. They went to Changi Airport yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They even drove to Serangoon Road, even nobody hailed their
taxi.In desperation they kept on driving all around Singapore
but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY? Because all the four Ah
bengs were sitting in the taxi.
After the 4 Ah Bengs were very disappointed with their fate
& decided to push their taxi into the sea. They started pushing
their taxi. They push the whole day & were very exhausted but
the taxi did not move even an inch.
They decided to rest for a while & started to push again.
The taxi just wouldn't move. WHY? Because 2 Ah Bengs were
pushing the front & 2 from behind.
Beng went interview
Ah Beng went for an job interview for a sales job. When the
manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind screamed, "Not
this man!!"
Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Beng. So he told
Ah Beng, "If you can form a sentence using the words I give you,
then I will give you a chance!"
"The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple,
Black".
Ah Beng thought for a while and said "I heard the phone go
green, green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said
Yellow. Blue's that? White did you say? Aiyah, wrong number.
Don't purplely disturb people and don't call Black, ok?"
Ah Beng got the job.
#Post#: 111--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes and Funny Pictures !!!
By: LViroj Date: September 18, 2018, 9:01 pm
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A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin
arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at
the Gates of Heaven.
St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest
that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. "I'm
much too young to die! I'm only 35!"
St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be
entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.
After investigating, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that
there is no mistake my son...
We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've
billed to your clients, and according to that, you're at least
108 years old!"
#Post#: 112--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes and Funny Pictures !!!
By: LViroj Date: September 18, 2018, 9:02 pm
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NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one
could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted
to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered,
"because I want to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He
asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family,"
he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement
of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When
asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the
interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1
million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."
#Post#: 115--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes and Funny Pictures !!!
By: LViroj Date: September 20, 2018, 8:21 pm
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They Walk Among Us !!!!!!!
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when
someone shouted.....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up
at the sky and said...'where?'
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent
which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking
him up every
morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' My brother
explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.
She shook her head
and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when
we overheard an admin. girl talking about the sunburn she got on
her weekend
drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said
she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was
moving.'
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went
to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman
there smiled and told
me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said
I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane
arrived yet?'.........
(I work with professionals like this.)
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a
small pizza “to go”. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked
him if he would like
it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
then said just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces.*
A psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where
Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity
to
schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with
which he was most at ease.'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,'
she asked, 'how you detect a
mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?''
Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which
anyone should
answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you
on the track.’'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.Well, you
might ask, 'Captain
Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of
them. Which one?''Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a
nervous laugh, 'You
wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must
confess I don't know much about history.'
Sadly, they do walk among us
#Post#: 116--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes and Funny Pictures !!!
By: LViroj Date: September 20, 2018, 8:22 pm
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MY KIND OF DOCTOR!!!
If you can read it to the end, it may give you a (little) smile.
I have chocolate in my mouth right now...!
Love this Japanese Doctor!
Dr. Itchibawa
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste
on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart
not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car
by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy
distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so
you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain.
Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to
one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain... Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting
more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should
only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It
best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but
rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate
in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming
"WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word
on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after
all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what
kills you.
#Post#: 117--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes and Funny Pictures !!!
By: LViroj Date: September 20, 2018, 8:24 pm
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Wife : Shall I prepare curry or soup today?
Hubby : First make it, we will name it later.
A frustrated husband in front of his laptop :
Dear google, please do not behave like my wife.............
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start
guessing & suggesting.
A married man's prayer :
Dear God,
You gave me childhood, you took it away.
You gave me youth, you took it away.
You gave me a wife..... its been years now, just reminding
you.
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits
and listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is in a mess, the
dishes are not done,
I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bother with cooking
dinner tonight!!!
Why the hell you bring him home for?"
Husband answer " Because he's thinking of getting married".
Husband : I found alladin's lamp today.
Wife : Wow, what did you ask him for darling.
Husband : I ask him to increase your brain ten times.
Wife : Oh darling .... love you so much..... did he do that
?
Husband : He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply
on zero.
A couple was having dinner in a fancy restaurant. As the
food was served,
the husband said, "Lets eat".
Wife : Honey.... you say your prayer before eating at home.
Husband : That's at home sweetheart .... here the chef knows
how to cook.
#Post#: 135--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes and Funny Pictures !!!
By: LViroj Date: September 30, 2018, 8:22 pm
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Phra Somdej,
I don't know ???
[IMG]
HTML http://i51.tinypic.com/2mx38f8.jpg[/img]
#Post#: 136--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes and Funny Pictures !!!
By: LViroj Date: September 30, 2018, 8:32 pm
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[IMG]
HTML http://i42.tinypic.com/wbs1oh.jpg[/img]
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