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#Post#: 98--------------------------------------------------
Re: Manu/Matt 3
DIR By: Al0909
Date: October 21, 2021, 2:32 pm
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"I know I am being silly, it's just how I am I overthink until
you know I have talked myself out of stuff, I am not that you
know spontaneous," I sighed.
"Are you nervous about classes and stuff on Monday?" I just
wanted to talk about something else. Besides I still wasn't
feeling great physically, the worst part of the vertigo I had
felt was over but my ears were still acting up and it wasn't
like the hearing aids did a complete job, and soon they might
not even help, deaf was the word, yeah getting closer to that.
"I... I eh need to... look into starting to learn sign
language," I said, voicing something I didn't really want to
talk about but I felt like I had opened up quite a lot to so you
so there we go.
"This won't hold up," I pointed at the aids again and looked at
you. "I am even thinking about applying to that uni for deaf
people," I felt tears burn suddenly. Man what was wrong with me?
#Post#: 103--------------------------------------------------
Re: Manu/Matt 3
DIR By: jennipeo
Date: October 25, 2021, 11:29 am
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"I'm the same" I promised then as I kept my eyes on you. "I also
need to talk myself out of things or, uh... Or I do the most
stupid things sometimes" I stated. Luiz being one example of
when I hadn't talked myself out of something after alsl, but I
didn't want to mention it.
"I'm nervous to some degree" I answered. "I mean, I'm nervous
about the academic English. I mean, I can talk and most of our
classes were in English, but they sort of knew we were Spanish.
Now there's no life line I guess" I explained as I watched you.
Also, did you normally bribe the teachers here? I had a feeling
not, so I had to do some actual school work a bit more.
"I'll sign up with you if you want" I stated at once. Again,
think first and speak later wasn't my strong point. But
honestly, had I thought it true I might have suggested it
another way, but I would still want to do it to be there for
you. I nodded then.
"I see... Well, maybe don't make haste decisions. Do you know
how.... I mean, long they will hold up? I want you to be here" I
stated then, not realising perhaps that it sounded selfish, but
I wrapped my arms around you at once when I saw how you teared
up. "Hey..." I breathed out
#Post#: 107--------------------------------------------------
Re: Manu/Matt 3
DIR By: Al0909
Date: October 25, 2021, 12:09 pm
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"My point is that I talk myself out of stuff too much, I could
probably talk myself out of trying to date you seriously,
telling myself I am not good enough and stuff. I do it all the
time," I sighed and wiped my eyes. "Sorry I didn't mean to like
tear up, it's just that I never really talk about this, what it
means in the long run. I don't know how long this will work out,
not long probably, feels like it's getting worse, I have
problems keeping up in class, and it's showing on my grades," I
sighed again.
"I just can't imagine not singing and performing anymore, what
am I supposed to do instead?" it was nice of you to come over
and hug me like this. I wiped my eyes. I needed to get a grip.
Pull it together and not be a wimp. Plenty of people were deaf
and that was just the way it was.
"What are your dreams?" I wondered.
#Post#: 114--------------------------------------------------
Re: Manu/Matt 3
DIR By: jennipeo
Date: October 25, 2021, 5:49 pm
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"Oh" I stated then and I shook my head at once. "No, don't talk
yourself out of that. I don't want that" I stated at once. That
didn't sound good. I wanted to date you.
"Well, not wanna be that guy, but I'm far frrom perfect, Matt.
We all have our... things, right? And honestly, mine are... yeah
well, I wouldn't date me. But I want to date you" I stated.
"Trust me, don't worry about being good enough for me" I smiled
some.
"Don't say sorry for being sad. It's okay to be sad. Whatever
you feel is valid or what they say, so I mean.... Don't say
sorry for feeling things around me, okay?" I asked as I watched
you.
"I donn't know what you should do" I stated then as I shook my
head some as I held you still,. strokingn your arms and then
your cheek gently. "I think, the first step is to... try to
accept it inside yourself, and then you'll find what you want to
do. I think before... that then it's hard" I tated and I sighed
then. "I still want to beat him up so badly" I admitted then. It
was hard, hadn't you usd the arument that we couldn't date
sincne I'd have to leave school if I did, then I would have
already. And honestly, if he pushed a single button then that's
what's going ot happen. Sorry, but that was just it.
"My dreams?" I asked then as I blinkd some. "I don't know. I've
never... had a dream I think... Thingsd are just planned... I
think... my dream for now is to be happy and... feel free" I
murmured out.
#Post#: 117--------------------------------------------------
Re: Manu/Matt 3
DIR By: Al0909
Date: October 26, 2021, 9:17 am
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"Thanks for saying that," I smiled weakly. "Sounds like a good
dream," I had meant what you wanted to do in your future but it
was a good and honest answer. "I am tired now," these episodes
always made me wickedly tired. I closed the laptop and put it
away. Then I got out of the bed.
"Gonna go shower and get ready for bed," I said and left the
room, I took off my hearing aids though because I didn't want
people to see that I had them really. I would probably need new
ones soon.
(kan ju hoppa nånstans kanske?)
#Post#: 125--------------------------------------------------
Re: Manu/Matt 3
DIR By: jennipeo
Date: October 26, 2021, 2:44 pm
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Yeah, I figured that's what you meant, but I didn't know what I
wanted to do. That's the thing, our lives were so planned out
that we ararely stopped to think about it unelss, well, we just
refused. I knew what I didn't want to do, but I still didn't
know what I wanted to do after all.
The night came fast it felt like, maybe because I did feel like
it haad been quite the day as well. I had met a lot of old
thoughts and memories lately as well, and I wasa confused with
you. Or well the only thing that I wasn't confused by was that I
was into you and wanted to be with you and that confused me. I
was fast asleep, sure, but I was breathing hard. I was having
these dreams. I dreamt about the old guy, my first so to speak,
and I dreamt of the OD, and the reaction to that. I whimpered
some in my sleep as I tossed and turned some.
#Post#: 129--------------------------------------------------
Re: Manu/Matt 3
DIR By: Al0909
Date: October 26, 2021, 4:20 pm
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My hearing came back during the night and I woke up hearing you
tossing and turning in your sleep and I sat up, rubbed my eyes
and then I glanced at you in the darkness, you seemed to be
struggling. I got up and moved over to your bed.
"Manu?" I asked and stroked your cheek softly. "Hey wake up," I
didn't want you to have a nightmare obviously.
#Post#: 136--------------------------------------------------
Re: Manu/Matt 3
DIR By: jennipeo
Date: October 26, 2021, 6:37 pm
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I felt someone touch me and I sat up at once, panting for air
basically as I turned to stare at you and I looked around then,
so confused for a second.
"W-Wha..." I breathed out, still anting some. Shit my heart was
racing. What the hell. The trip down memory lane did not serve
me well, did it? Shit.
"S-Sorry that I woke you up" I murmured out then finally, I
didn't want to do that, to wake you upa nd all, but shit, I was
having so much anxiety, seeing his face and all again, it all
felt so real. Well fuck. That was tonight's sleep, wasn't it?
#Post#: 140--------------------------------------------------
Re: Manu/Matt 3
DIR By: Al0909
Date: October 27, 2021, 7:09 am
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"No don't worry about that, what did you dream about?" I
wondered. I wanted to ask if you wanted me to sleep next to you
but I wasn't sure if you would be into that. I hadn't really
slept next to anyone in ages. I stroked your hair, trying to be
comforting. I didn't want you to suffer because I really cared
about you already.
#Post#: 146--------------------------------------------------
Re: Manu/Matt 3
DIR By: jennipeo
Date: October 28, 2021, 7:03 am
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I was panting hard still as I watched you and I shook my head
some.
"It's uh... Carlos" I breathed out. "My friend who... OD'd..." I
breathed out. "He uh... He was angry... I don't know..." I felt
so guilty about it, and it was liek things sort of caught up
with me. I didn't like that, not one bit. I bit my lip as I
turned to watch you and I carefully took your hand. "D-Dou you
mnnd?" I asked. "Could you... be here?" I asked carefully. I
wanted you to sleep next to me or at least be close to me right
now.
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