this is the last
online will and
testament
of someone whose
online journey
began in the late
1980s by visiting
"local bbses"
and then the
internet proper
in the early 1990s
via an early linux,
whose distribution
name the author no
longer remembers
obtaining a linux
distribution at
2400 baud wasn't
trivial
downloads were
easily disrupted
by phone line
glitches/hiccups,
requiring
reconnecting,
requiring starting
a download all
over again
and then installing
such a beast on
specific hardware
was hardly a
licketty split
affair
all this was
driving by self
need for contact
with others,
which seemed
prohibitively
difficult in
real life
and so the
possibility
of attaining
unto it online -
especially knowing
others online would
automatically have
at least one thing
in common due to
being interested
in and capable
of accomplishing
getting online in
the first place
- seemed both
possible and
exciting
and although it
was soon realized
to be a form of
denial-based "hope
against hope", the
author persisted
in it for over
three decades
but it's not really
the internet per
se that's been
disappointing
it is, as usual,
people
the internet is
merely a reflection
of the character
and subsequent
behaviors of many
people collectively
an "emergent
property", if
you will
and people
goddamned
motherfucking suck
that includes you
and that includes
me
the whole lesson of
online life is no
different than that
of offline life
it's to see beyond
a shadow of a doubt
that what we take
to be ourselves
is merely a mental
phantom taken to be
more than a phantom
and it couldn't
be more poorly
defined as be-ing
a free-will entity
/ self / person /
individual utterly
separate from
all else
that definition
guarantees misery,
disaster, and so on
online is merely
yet another search
for the "right"
person/people
but the actual
problem persists
in fact, it drives
the search for
being an utterly
isolated, lonely
*seeming* entity
even the writing
of this is
fundamentally yet
another pathetic
attempt by an even
more pathetic
pseudo entity
whose ex-istence
is maintained by
implications of
words that there
could and must be
such a thing
except there isn't
know that deeply
and be free of
the illusion
no, not free
*person*ally
but free of
the illusion so
all-together that
there's no longer
a sense of there
being such a thing
to be experiencing
such a thing
this page may be
updated again
or it may not
it's hard to say
because the
seeming sayer is
an illusion that
could no longer
be reflected in
the puddle called
"mind"
just
like
~
all through the day
i me mine
i me mine
i me mine
(i.e. the sort
of thoughts
that presuppose a
person/self/individual,
and thus seemingly
make it so/real)
~
haven't read a
single blog or
forum or newsgroup
in many days now
also stopped
playing a
particular
solitaire game
this issue?
all such feed
the sense of
being a separate
free-willed self /
person / individual
willing and doing
things
because of that,
they're all
miserable pursuit
as is all pursuit,
really
given what we truly
are is complete,
never unavailable
never less than all
this activity is
no different than
those listed above
and thus is clearly
begging for misery
inasmuch as
insisting one is a
free-willed self /
person / individual
couldn't be
otherwise
~
huh
yet another
week
without searching
for and/or reading
blogs
fora
whatever the
goddamned fuck
there's no need
aka want
aka lack
why look
when it's obvious
the looking is
merely
a symbol of
(did "you" read
that missing line
correctly?)
~
repurposed the
http version of
this for a vastly
more important
web project
so, down to gopher,
gemini, and nex
~
'the mind is only
the thought 'i'.
we should
apperceive what
'time' is,
that it is not
an independent
objectivisation but
is an essential
part of the
objectivisation
of our apparent
'selves'.
he continued:
'ignorance
(the concept of
'time') is the
obstruction. get
rid of it and all
will be well. this
ignorance (the
concept of 'time')
is identical
with the 'i'
thought. seek its
source and it will
vanish'.
my objective
self only has
a conceptual
existence.
non-objectively i
am the apparent
universe.
identifying
myself with my
conceptual object
is what constitutes
bondage. realising
that my conceptual
object only exists
in so far as it and
its subject are
this phenomenal
absence here and
now?constitutes
liberation. i am my
phenomenal absence.
how can a shadow
eliminate itself?
"<name>" is
a shadow of i
am. (note: *not*
the thought of
i am)
abide in awareness,
with no illusion of
person == look at
awareness source
with no taking
of a shadow of
awareness source to
be awareness source
all thinking other
that the i-thought
is subordinate to -
i.e. nested under -
i.e. in support of
- i.e. a subset of
- i.e. derivative
of - the i-thought
links:
http://sufficient.freeshell.org/Seekers/
____________________________________________________________________________
Gophered by Gophernicus/101 on NetBSD/amd64 9.3