Lawrence Welk's mastery of English was not quite 100%.

CLASSIC WELKISMS 
-Compiled by Dick Wilson, a sound mixer who worked on "The Lawrence Welk Show" for more than three decades.

"Now the band will play a medley of tunes from World War Eye [World War I]."

During an audience warm-up: "I just wrote a book, but don't go out and buy it yet, because I don't think it's finished yet."

"There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them." 

Introducing a guest performer: "His act may start out slow, but it tapers off." 

Referring to rock music: "That's not my cup of dish." 

To the band just before going on the air: "Boys, look like you're having fun, but don't have any." 

"I just had an idea that went right over my head." 

To his stand-in: "Whenever you have a minute I'd like to see you right now." 

To a band member: "I never realized that your hair was so close to your head before."

To the dress rehearsal audience about the use of a phony turkey on the set of a Thanksgiving show: "Don't worry, folks, this will be a real turkey when it gets on the air."

To the person who wrote his cue cards: "Don't use the word 'dat' (that)...I can say 'dis' (this), but I can't say 'dat' (that)." 

"I just let it in one ear and out the top of my head." 

When a group of people came in to discuss problems in the band: "You know, when people band together, it causes a house divided." 

Referring to a singing duo he first heard perform at a nightclub: "They were so good, I could hardly wait to get out of there." 

When he found the Hollywood Palace stage to be too small to accommodate the whole band: "Fire four feet of the band."

"I'm keeping perfect time. I'll get my barometer (metronome) and prove it." 

"Boys, if you don't stick together, how do you expect me to follow you-ah?" 

"You know, it's a long world." 

"That's what really broke the camel's straw." 

After a jet plane flew over and disrupted rehearsal: "You know, those jet planes make Masonic booms."

After a production number in which the Champagne Lady sang of unrequited love: "Yes, she sure looks like a woman who has been tampered with."
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