There are 15 messages totalling 811 lines in this issue. Topics of the day: 1. History Lesson (Pun) 2. See the USA 3. Top5-6/9/98 (Signs Your Lawyer Isn't Working Out) 4. Darwin Award 5. Man on the Moon (adult) 6. Tatoo (anal inference - may be offensive) 7. Semi-Deep Thoughts 8. Laughable comments & questions about contemporary life 9. Viagra Tongue In Cheek News(Adult) 10. Little League Baseball Week 11. idiots at work 12. One Liners 13. THE QUESTIONNAIRE (may be offensive to some believers) 14. The Best of The Worst - Part 2/2 15. Princess Di Jokes Part 4 (Offensive To Princess Di and Her Fans) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 8 Jun 1998 23:15:36 -0800 From: Stan Kegel Subject: History Lesson (Pun) I remember well the spring of 1778. I had just received my degree from Oxford and was ready to take my place as a partner in my father's shipping and trading company. Father had made his fortune trading along the St. Lawrence Seaway and the new colony of Newfoundland. I had joined Father for less than a week, when he had a visit from his old friend, James Cook. Cook, who had been instrumental in starting our family business, had just returned from a voyage to the South Pacific where he had discovered a new group of islands that he claimed for England and named after the first lord of the British Admiralty, the Earl of Sandwich, in honor of the Earl's contribution to sea faring in discovering a new way to feed the sailors without their having to leave their posts by serving their meals between two slices of bread. Cook told us the he had landed at the southernmost and largest of the Sandwich Islands where a peaceful tribe of natives who called themselves Hawaiians had treated him like royalty. In fact, his sailors stated that the natives thought James Cook was God. In spite of their reverence for Cook, he could not interest them in trade as they were set in their primitive ways and interested in the gifts Cook had brought. However, they spoke of the tribe of Waikikians on an island to the north who had mastered sailing and traded frequently with remote islands to the west. Cook was certain that we could duplicate our success in Newfoundland by expanding to Waikiki. Father agreed to accompany Cook on his next trip to the Sandwich Islands provided I could accompany them so that I could learn first hand how to develop business in virgin territories. Thus, it came about that my first ocean voyage was around the Cape of Good Horn and to the tropical splendors of the Sandwiches. The voyage was very rough having to go through a severe cyclone around the Cape, and the seamen were very restless when we landed on the beach at Waikiki. Several left the ship shortly after landing and unfortunately drank too much and ended up ravishing several of the native women. A riot ensued and several natives and crew members were killed in the battle. Now the Waikikians had a strong judicial tradition and held the leader responsible for the actions of his crew. So the ship was boarded by a group of Waikikian soldiers, James Cook was arrested and tried for rape and murder. He was convicted and was sentenced to die by boiling with his remains to be served to the families of the departed. We were all required to be present while this inhumane punishment took place. I turned to my father and asked him how something like this could ever happen. I'll never forget his answer. He turned to me and said, "Let this be a lesson to you, . . . one man's meat is another man's poi, son. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 03:45:23 -0400 From: Jim Moore Jr Subject: See the USA * Went to Philadelphia once. It wasn't hard to see what they need most there -- a good detour to bypass the town entirely. - - - - - * Every once in a while you hear about a real dry spell in Texas. I always thought the stories exaggerated until I got a birthday card last week. The stamp was attached with a staple. - - - - - * A neighbor of mine took off with his family to see the country. When he returned, I asked how he enjoyed the vacation. "Jimmy," he replied, "have you ever spent 3 weeks in a mini-van with those you thought you loved ?" - - - - - * Any of you ever been to Las Vegas ? Some hot-shot arrives in his private jet, puts on an outfit that costs 2 or 3 thousand dollars, works with 80 musicians, eight back-up singers, and opens his show with "I Gotta Be Me !" - - - - - * New Englanders are known for their dry wit and logic. Once in Martha's Vineyard a hotel clerk asked me if I wanted a room with a shower or a tub. I asked what the difference was. He replied, "Well sir, in a tub, you can sit down." - - - - - * A few years ago Mrs JimJr and I vacationed at a rather fancy hotel on Hilton Head Island, an ocean resort in South Carolina. After the bellboy carried the luggage up to our room, I found that I had nothing smaller than a hundred dollar bill, having chosen not to carry a lot of smaller bills en route. I asked him if he had any change, so that I could properly tip. He replied, with a hint of scorn, "Mr Moore, HERE, a hundred dollar bill IS change." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Complete UGA Humor Digests [zip format] 1997-1998: http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293 To subscribe: Send an e-mail to: listserv@listserv.uga.edu leave the subject area blank; in the BODY of the letter, type: SUB HUMOR yourfirstname yourlastname ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 06:06:26 -0400 From: John Vogel Subject: Top5-6/9/98 (Signs Your Lawyer Isn't Working Out) The Top 16 Signs Your Lawyer Isn't Working Out [ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ] [ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ] [ To forward or repost, please include this section. ] 16> His idea of a key immunity deal involves penicillin shots. 15> Open argument in which he called the prosecutor a "Doo-Doo Head" could hurt your case. 14> Tries to cheer you up by saying how great you look in orange. 13> In the middle of your trial, he crawls underneath the bench and actually tries to "please the court." 12> Uses rhyming couplets like Johnny Cochran, but they all end with "Nantucket." 11> Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code. 10> Keeps trying to call a witness named "Johnny, the Trouser Troll." 9> A closer look at his diploma reveals it's from Yale Lock School. 8> The only question she can come up with during cross- examination is, "Isn't it true that you're a lying bastard?" 7> Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury. 6> Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!" 5> Dental problem forces her to use short, concise sentences comprised of commonly used, clearly understood words. 4> Instead of saying "Your honor, I object," he now just rolls his eyes and says, "Whatever." 3> Claims staring at your cleavage is a necessary part of the "discovery" processes. 2> Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties. and Top5's Number 1 Sign Your Lawyer Isn't Working Out... 1> "Nice breasts, Your Honor." Ruminations & Ponderances I can't understand why anyone would pay for expensive bedsheets when you can find gutted raccoons everywhere. (Thanks to LeMel Hebert-Williams) ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 13:00:30 +0200 From: Maurizio Mariotti Subject: Darwin Award This happened a few days ago on a list (let's call it LIST) where every post has a footer automatically attached to it, with instruction on how to unsubscribe (original message, cut and pasted): Please take me off this list ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ To unsubscribe send an e-mail to LISTSERV@LISTSERV.AOL.COM with SIGNOFF LIST in the body ----- The polite, but somewhat pointed response from the listowner was: Read the footer, you MORON!!! ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 07:03:51 -0400 From: Terry Galan Subject: Man on the Moon (adult) This is a true story: When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark: "Good luck Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, they found that there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. Just two years ago (on July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL), while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, the young Armstrong heard Mrs.Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex? You want Oral Sex!!!??? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!" ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 09:40:23 -0400 From: Jay Harman Subject: Tatoo (anal inference - may be offensive) A woman is frustrated with her love life because her husband has a massive crush on Brigette Bardot and ignores her completely. To win back his attentions, she goes to a tattoo artist to have the letters 'BB' tattooed on her breasts. The tattooist warns her that age and gravity would probably make this unattractive later in life, and suggests she have the tattoo on her butt instead. She agrees, and bends over to receive a "B" on each buttock. When her husband gets home from work that night, she greets him by turning around, bending over, and lifting her dress to expose the artwork. "What do you think?" the wife says. "Uh, who the hell is Bob?" the husband replies. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 10:43:30 -0400 From: Bill Stebbins Subject: Semi-Deep Thoughts Semi-Deep Thoughts (for shallower minds) ---------------------------------------- Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw. The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl. Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less. 668: The Neighbor of the Beast Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma. Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her. Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way. I couldn't wait for success, so I went on without it. Life is antagonistic to the living. Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. Hobbes: Isn't your pant's zipper supposed to be in the front? http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16 http://members.xoom.com/bs16/ ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 11:02:01 EST From: Bill Edwards Subject: Laughable comments & questions about contemporary life Seen on a bumper sticker: "We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated." Is it required that all female country singer be gorgeous? Isn't it amazing that the CIA couldn't tell that India was exploding nuclear weapons, but NASA thinks that a planet 450 light years from Earth is twice the size of Jupiter? To the guy who flipped me off and then cut me off in rush hour, who says life ain't fair? I saw smoke coming from the hood of your car down the road. I saw a guy in a Pinto with about 10 bowling trophies on the back shelf over the rear seat, and boy was I impressed. When I get a call from a telemarketer, I patiently wait until he/she is done with the presentation and then sweetly say: "I didn't get all of that, would you please repeat it?" Newt Gingrich donning his yarmulke brought back memories of Michael Dukakis sporting his tank helmet. Modem: A Computer communications device or how to get rid of your dandelions. Take some good advice: Never try to baptize your cat. Isn't it amazing how political candidates can give you all their good points and qualifications in a 30 second TV commercial? He who laughs last thinks slowest. If you want to know the true nature of a person, just watch the way they act when they're behind the wheel of an automobile. Did some nice Republican gag Congressman Dan Burton (R-Indiana), or what? I sure miss his articulate rambles. Any chance California will restore Bullet Bob Dornan to Congress? Most of these item can be blamed on: http://www.accessatlanta.com/local/thevent ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 13:44:06 -0500 From: RAINYBOW Subject: Viagra Tongue In Cheek News(Adult) The makers of Viagra have announced a plan to use proceeds from the sale of Viagra to finance the development of a pill for women that will make elderly men desirable. Also, the National Organization of Potent Men has announced a plan to protest the distribution of Viagra. A spokesman for the organization stated "Viagra gives an impotent man the ability to sustain an erection for up to 4 hours. This causes feelings of inadequacy, a leading cause of impotency, in normally potent men". The organization fears a sudden and dramatic shift in the demographics of it's membership. In other news, Kenneth Starr is reportedly investigating a rumor that the Republican Party had used Bob Dole's supply of Viagra from clinical trials to spike fast food deliveries to the White house. The White house has confirmed a report that the entire male staff had participated in a "blind" clinical study in which all but one individual had received a placebo. There was no comment as to the identity of that individual. -- If u cannot find the pot of gold....... Just enjoy the Rainbow~ RAINY ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 15:34:45 -0500 From: Joe Hickman Subject: Little League Baseball Week ------------------------- This is National Little League Baseball Week. I played Little League baseball. My dad was so proud he had my protective cup bronzed. I'll never forget the Little League game when I got hurt. I went to sleep and fell off the bench. After that my mother made me wear a bench belt. My mother was always afraid it would rain. I had to play every game in galoshes. Ever try to run in galoshes? Mom never missed a game. She vacuumed the dugout. Waxed the bench. Watered the petunias in the on-deck circle. We had the only ballpark in town with satin bases. And a doily on home plate that said, "Home Sweet Home." ------------------------- >From Ha! at http://www.flash.net/~comedy ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 18:18:24 -0400 From: "James R. Muller" Subject: idiots at work IDIOTS AT WORK... Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?" ADVICE FOR IDIOTS An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees:""Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes." IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there. IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. AN IDIOT'S IDIOT Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling a lie. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 20:51:10 EDT From: Elizabeth Davis Subject: One Liners One Liners: I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" Jay Leno The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. Jackie Gleason Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Red Buttons I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name" Mike Binder Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. Stephen Leacock Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. Steve Bluestone Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. George Carlin You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. Ellen DeGeneres I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. Carol Leifer I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. Sue Kolinsky The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. Roger Simon You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. Pearl Williams Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents. Billiam Coronel I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Dave Edison Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. Johnny Carson It's not hard to tell we was poor -- when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline. George Lindsey Never moon a werewolf. Mike Binder If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. George Gobel ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 21:24:38 -0400 From: "Aditya, the Hindu Skeptic" Subject: THE QUESTIONNAIRE (may be offensive to some believers) GOD'S TOTAL QUALITY MANAGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRE Manufacturers of God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage of our product. In order to better serve your needs, we ask that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions. 1. How did you find out about God? __ Newspaper __ Bhagavad-Gita __ Television __ Divine Inspiration __ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience __ Koran __ Communist Manifesto __ Tabloid __ Burning Shrubbery __ Bible __ Other sources __ Torah (specify): _____________ 2. Which model God did you acquire? __ Yoweh __ Father, Son & Holy GhostTriplet __ Jehova __ Jesus __ Alah __ Satan __ God __ None of the above, I was taken __ G_d in by a false god 3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes? __ Yes __ No If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here: ____ 4. What factors were relevent in your decision to acquire a god? Please check all that apply. __ Indoctrinated by parents __ Needed a reason to live __ Indoctrinated by society __ Needed focus in who to despise __ Imaginary friend grew up __ Hate to think for myself __ Wanted to meet girls/boys __ Fear of murder by a missionary __ Wanted to piss off parents __ Needed a day away from work __ Desperate need for certainty __ Like Organ Music __ Need to feel Morally Superior __ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it 5. Have you ever worshipped a God before? Is so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply. __ Odin __ Cthulhu __ Zeus __ The Almighty Dollar __ Appolo __ Left Wing Liberalism __ Ra __ Barney T.B.P.D. __ The great Spirit __ The Great Pumpkin __ The Sun __ Bill Clinton __ The Moon __ A burning cabbage __ The Bomb __ Other: ________________ 6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply. __ Tarot __ Lottery __ Astrology __ Television __ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers __ Psychic Friends Network __ Dianetics __ Palmistry __ Playboy and/or Playgirl __ Self-help books __ Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll __ Biorythms __ Bill Clinton __ Tea Leaves __ EST __ Mantras __ Jimmy Swaggert __ Crystals __ Human Sacrifice __ Pyramids __ Wandering around a desert __ Insurance policies __ Burning Shrubbery __ Barney T.B.P.D. __ Other: _____________________ __ Barney Fife __ None 7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)? a. More Divine Intervention b. Less Divine Intervention c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention? 8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent): a. Disasters flood 1 2 3 4 5 famine 1 2 3 4 5 earthquake 1 2 3 4 5 war 1 2 3 4 5 pestilence 1 2 3 4 5 plague 1 2 3 4 5 AOL 1 2 3 4 5 Windows 98 1 2 3 4 5 b. Miracles rescues 1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over towns 1 2 3 4 5 crying statues 1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5 walking on water(except Cuyahoga) 1 2 3 4 5 talking flaming shrubbery 1 2 3 4 5 VCR that sets its own clock 1 2 3 4 5 Sadam Husein still alive 1 2 3 4 5 Marlins winning the Series 1 2 3 4 5 Clinton's re-election 1 2 3 4 5 9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary) ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 10 Jun 1998 09:31:50 -0400 From: Chalapathi Rao Poduri Subject: The Best of The Worst - Part 2/2 The Worst Homing Pigeon..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil... The Worst Animal Rescue..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ During the firemen's strike of 1978, the British Army had taken over emergency fire fighting and on 14 January they were called out by an elderly lady in South London to retrieve her cat which had become trapped up a tree. They arrived with impressive haste and soon dis- charged their duty. So grateful was the lady that she invited them all in for tea. Driving off later, with fond farewells completed, they ran over the cat... Worst Speed Trap..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders... But he wasn't catching anyone. One day the officer found the problem: a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket at his feet, full of change... Chalapathi And His Four-Line Signature! :-) ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1998 05:32:00 -0700 From: ryan c tirrell Subject: Princess Di Jokes Part 4 (Offensive To Princess Di and Her Fans) Dodi said Di and she did. What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin. Why did Elton John take his boyfriend to the funeral? So at least one old queen would be seen to cry in public. If you go out on the grog, then get in a car with a Wog and a Frog and drive like a hog, you'll be as dead as a dog. Elton John wasn't the only one who composed a song for Di.... Roxette - Crash! Boom! Bang! Michael Jackson - Blood on the dashboard What do Lady Di and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last greatest hit was the WALL. What did Dodi say to Di before they left the Ritz? "Do you want to sleep here or crash in the car?" What does Diana and George Burns have in common? They both died when they hit 100. What was the last thing to go through Diana's mind? The dashboard. How did Di and Charles dissagree about Modern Archectecture? Di was wrapt about pre-stressed cement. What's worse than getting red wine off carpet? Getting Di off the uphostery. What do Di and Darren Millane have in common? They both didn't make it home from the tunnel. What was Princess Diana's last words to the paparazzi? "Leave me alone, I'm a bloody princess. You photographers drive me up the wall." _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ End of HUMOR Digest - 9 Jun 1998 to 10 Jun 1998 ***********************************************