Path: border1.nntp.dca3.giganews.com!border2.nntp.dca3.giganews.com!border4.nntp.dca.giganews.com!border2.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!npeer01.iad.highwinds-media.com!feed-me.highwinds-media.com!cyclone01.ams2.highwinds-media.com!news.highwinds-media.com!feeder.news-service.com!news.netcologne.de!newsfeed-fusi2.netcologne.de!fu-berlin.de!uni-berlin.de!individual.net!not-for-mail From: Brian Dominic Newsgroups: uk.rec.humour Subject: Hello, Operator?? Date: Fri, 04 Mar 2011 19:42:09 +0000 Lines: 161 Message-ID: <8ff2n6lp1dnl36nq83otkn2b6afdeesj7a@4ax.com> Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Trace: individual.net Pdks6CQZiwzCUt75aZtkwATECgnNgaO36IVbFW7OidZ3skmYg= Cancel-Lock: sha1:hg820Rxndh4BVAaqYBQk025/nAk= X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 5.00/32.1171 Bytes: 8146 X-Original-Bytes: 8091 Xref: number.nntp.dca.giganews.com uk.rec.humour:83882 Actual call centre conversations! Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; Can you help?' Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?' Customer: 'It's on the door of the business.' Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that they are open.' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Samsung Electronics: Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.' Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- RAC Motoring Services: Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?' Operator: 'Does the policy name give you a clue?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller inquiring about legal requirements while travelling in Europe : 'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Directory Enquiries: Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please' Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?' Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off..' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven: Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?' Caller: 'Yes... That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ...' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.' Customer: 'OK.' Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No.' Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No.' Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?' Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click.' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?' Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.... Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.' Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.' Operator: 'What sort of trouble??' Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.' Operator: 'Went away?' Caller: 'They disappeared.' Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?' Caller: 'Nothing.' Operator: 'Nothing??' Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.' Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?' Caller: 'How do I tell?' Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?' Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?' Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?' Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.' Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??' Caller: 'What's a monitor?' Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?' Caller: 'I don't know.' Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?' Caller: 'Yes, I think so.' Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall...' Caller: 'Yes, it is.' Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that were were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?' Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.' Caller: 'Okay, here it is.' Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.' Caller: 'I can't reach.' Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?' Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?' Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.' Operator: 'Dark?' Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.' Caller: 'I can't.' Operator: 'No? Why not?' Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.' Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?' Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.' Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.' Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?' Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.' Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?' Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!' Brian L Dominic