**Bart Simpson's "Write It 100 Times"
Chalkboard Punishment**  
  
_The opening credits of _The Simpsons_ shows Bart Simpson writing the same
sentence over and over again on a chalkboard, reminiscent of the whole "write
it 100 times" punishment, which establishes him as a troublemaker. Each
episode is usually dif ferent. These are the collected writings of the
Simpsons from the chalkboard exercises that Bart writes during the opening
credits._  
  

  * I will not carve gods.
  * I will not spank others.
  * I will not aim for the head.
  * I will not barf unless I'm sick.
  * I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
  * I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
  * I will not conduct my own fire drills.
  * Funny noises are not funny.
  * I will not snap bras.
  * I will not fake seizures.
  * This punishment is not boring and pointless.
  * My name is not Dr. Death.
  * I will not defame New Orleans.
  * I will not prescribe medication.
  * I will not bury the new kid.
  * I will not teach others to fly.
  * I will not bring sheep to class.
  * A burp is not an answer.
  * Teacher is not a leper.
  * Coffee is not for kids.
  * I will not eat things for money.
  * I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
  * The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
  * I will not call the principal "spud head".
  * Goldfish don't bounce.
  * Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
  * No one is interested in my underpants.
  * I will not sell miracle cures.
  * I will return the seeing-eye dog.
  * I do not have diplomatic immunity.
  * I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
  * I will never win an Emmy.
  * The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
  * All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
  * I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
  * I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
  * My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
  * I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
  * I am not deliciously saucy.
  * Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
  * The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
  * I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
  * There are plenty of businesses like show business.
  * Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
  * I will not waste chalk.
  * I will not skateboard in the halls.
  * Underwear should be worn on the inside.
  * The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
  * I will not torment the emotionally frail.