**Quotes From "Homocidal Psycho Jungle Cat"**  
by Bill Watterson (All quotes from Calvin, unless noted otherwise)  

  * Gosh, I never get mail! I wonder who sent this. There's no return address! In its place there's a crude human skull with X's for eyes and it's tongue hanging out! Maybe it's the IRS.  

  * No retractable claws, no opposable toes, no prehensile tail, no compound eyes, no fangs, no claws....... SIGHHH.... - about being human  

  * Ballastic missles fron God, I call them. - about rocks  

  * If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.  

  * How many boards would the mongols hoard, if the mongols hordes got bored?  

  * I don't take chances with a product that prints the date you might expire. - about milk  

  * Curiosity is the essence of the scientific mind.  

  * Idiocy is the essence of the male mind. - Susie  

  * Little Joys of Life:  
a) Reading a new comic book  
b) Petting a happy dog  
c) getting a letter in the mail  
d) eating the marshmallows in hot chocolate  
e) smiling when a big kid calls you a nasty name... and then punching his
teeth straight down his ugly neck.  

  * The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.  

  * Calvin: "Can you make a living playing silly games?"  
His Dad: "Actually, you can be among the most overpaid people on the planet."  

  * Every minute outside and awake is a good minute. - Hobbes  

  * Exercise is a lot more gratifying if you count what it FEELS like.  

  * Susie: "You'd get a good grade without doing any work."  
Calvin: "So?"  
Susie: "It's wrong to get rewards you haven't earned."  
Calvin: "I've never heard of anyone who couldn't live with that."  

  * Reality continues to ruin my life.  

  * The trouble is... if my program works, I won't be able to write a sequel. - about his proposed Self-Help book